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It was deleted when I transferred the blog. I can tell you the basics: Chris= Chris Brown, Jessica= Nazanin Mandi, Bianca= Claudia Nelson.
Five months later
A low sigh emitted from my lips as I adjusted my tie in the mirror, normally I would’ve had Jessica doing this but we still aren’t on the best terms. She kept her word and filed for the divorce which was finalized a week ago.
It has been a long five months but the fighting is finally over with and we don’t have to deal with each other in that way ever again. I wouldn’t say that our divorce was messy but it had it’s moments when we got down to discussing details with our lawyers. The main issue was money, Jessica didn’t want to take any of my money but I insisted on setting her off so she would never have to work again if she didn’t want to. But she had this pride about her that wouldn’t allow her to feel like she was living off of her ex husband. Eventually she gave in and agreed to taking ten million which was significantly lower than what I wanted to give her but that’s the most she would take.
We didn’t have an issue about Casey because I didn’t want to put her through a custody battle, as long as I was allowed to see my daughter whenever I wanted then I was okay with her living with Jessica. But with that being said, Jessica was still being petty about the situation. Five months have went by since everything went down and the only time I saw her was when we had our divorce meetings. When I wanted to see Casey, she was dropped off at my mom’s house and I had to pick her up from there. I understood this process for the first few weeks to a month but anything beyond that was just childish and unnecessary. But I think it proved that she wasn’t over me yet, that’s expected but we could be adults about the situation.
Casey will be two soon and she’s getting smarter everyday, it’s good to see that our fucked up situation hasn’t had a negative impact on her because she’s still the happiest little girl ever. For the sake of her though, I wish I had done things a little differently because she’s my little girl and I’d hate for a nigga to do even half the shit I did to her mom to her. But it’s life and I know that I won’t always be around to protect her from assholes like me, I just have to talk to her when she’s old enough and pray that I get through to her.
I ended up selling the house because there was no point in me living in the big ass space with no one to share it with. I bought a two bedroom condo in the city which was in between both Jessica and Bianca’s places just in case I needed to access either one of them quickly. But it didn’t matter that I was close to Jessica because it’s not like I was ever invited over, she was content with us not seeing each other so I let it be. Mike told me that he heard her and Lauren talking when they were at his crib and apparently she’s with that nigga Gabe now. Five months ago I would’ve probably been pissed, but now I couldn’t find it in me to get mad because if he treats her better than I ever did then that’s what she deserves.
"Hey man, you good to go?" Mike asked, breaking me from my previous thoughts.
"Yeah, it took me a minute to figure out this tie but I’m good now," I chuckled.
"When I looked inside the church, I saw that nigga Gabe inside so I guess he is Jessica’s date. You good with that or you want me to have him thrown out? ‘Cause you know I’d do it."
I chuckled at Mike’s foolishness and shook my head, “Nah, I’m good. Besides today ain’t about me and my problems, it’s about you and your wife.”
"My nigga," Mike said, extending his hand to pull me into a brotherly hug.
"Don’t be tryna get all soft on me, let’s go." I chuckled, as we went to meet up with the rest of the wedding party.
It didn’t surprise me that Jessica was here with Gabe especially since Mike told me that they were dating. I didn’t mind, she’s a grown woman and is allowed to date whomever she pleases. I, on the other hand, wasn’t dating anyone and therefor had no date to the wedding.
Is it bad to show up to a wedding alone?
I think people in attendance are probably judging all of the single people without dates but I really didn’t care because I could’ve had a date if I really wanted on but I refused to bring a random to and event. I had been fucking randoms in the first two months but that got old quick, there were a few times that Bianca and I almost took it there due to her pregnancy hormones but she would always stop me right before it happened. Speaking of Bianca, I could’ve easily asked her to accompany me but she’s nine months pregnant waiting to burst any day now so she’s been put on bed rest by the doctor.
The music started playing signifying that it was time for the wedding party to start walking down the aisle. I noticed mama holding Casey as they waited for their turn to walk down the aisle because Casey was the flower girl.
"You look beautiful fat mama," I cooed, kissing her cheek as she giggled. "You too mama."
"Thank you angel, you look handsome." Mama responded.
"Thanks," I kissed both of their cheeks before venturing off to find Jessica.
Being that I was the best man and Jessica was the maid of honor, I had to escort her down the aisle which she had a problem with at wedding rehearsals but got over it for the sake of her friend.
She looked good in her lavender dress that was different from the rest of the bridesmaids dresses, it made her stand out but her beauty did that on it’s own. Her short hair was bone straight and as always she had on minimal makeup and still looked gorgeous as ever.
"Jessica," I announced, once I approached her. She looked at me up and down before slightly rolling her eyes causing me to chuckle.
"Christopher," She mumbled. "Your tie looks retarded," She giggled, reaching up to adjust my tie for me.
"Thank you," I smiled once she was finished fixing it. "You look beautiful as always."
She tried to fight the smile off her face but was unsuccessful, “Thank you,” She blushed.
"No problem," I replied, "Shall we?" I asked, reaching my arm out for her to attach herself so that we could begin our trek down the aisle.
As Lauren and Mike read their vows to each other, I could tell that Jessica was trying not to get emotional but she was failing miserably. She confessed to me that she was emotional during Shannon’s wedding because that was around the time that she and I were on “break” so I can imagine that she’s probably emotional for the same reason.
Or she could just be happy for our best friends.
It might be a combination of both.
Today wasn’t about us though, it was about our best friends as they begin their lifelong journey together. They’ve witnessed our marriage and our mistakes so hopefully they’ll do better than us. Mike was already on the right path my choosing to do what I should’ve done when I asked Jessica to marry me. He was already a one woman man, today would just solidify it.
I was proud of him to say the least.
"The wedding was beautiful," Jessica whispered, attempting to wipe the tears that kept falling down her face. "I’m happy for them."
"Yeah, me too." I responded.
The wedding ended about thirty minutes ago and we had just arrived at the venue for the reception, other people were still arriving.
"Why don’t you invite ya boy Gabe to come sit next to you?" I asked Jessica. There was a specific table for the wedding party and their dates but here she was sitting next to me while he was at another table.
"I don’t wanna cause any problems," She uttered lowly.
"Girl invite ya man over here, I ain’t trippin’." I stated truthfully, I didn’t care about them dating because it wasn’t my business to care anymore.
"How come you’re here alone?" She asked, changing the subject. "Where’s your girl?"
"One, she ain’t my girl. And two, she’s nine months pregnant."
"Oh," She mumbled, there was a hint of relief in her voice but I decided to ignore it. I knew Jessica still had feelings for me, it was obvious by her actions. She excused herself from the table and made her way over to the table with her nigga and eventually they came back to our table.
"Gabe," I replied, as we shook hands lightly. I didn’t really have anything against him anymore as long as he treated Jessica right and didn’t hurt her then he was alright with me.
About an hour later everyone had arrived and the food was being served by the staff. The Champagne was flowing and so was the conversation, Mike and Lauren were in their own little world definitely acting like newlyweds. I talked it up with a few of the other people that were in the wedding party, including our friend Mijo from college. It had been a while since I saw him so it was nice catching up.
After dinner, Lauren and Mike cut their tall ass cake and fed each other small pieces causing everyone in the room to swoon.
When they took their seats, I stood up and raised my glass of Champagne as I tapped it lightly with my knife to gain everyone’s attention. Soon after, the entire room fell silent and all eyes were on me. I’ve never been nervous about public speaking so this speech was about to be a breeze for me. As best man it was my duty to deliver the best speech of the night.
I gazed at the audience full of familiar faces, and my eyes landed on my beautiful babygirl who was watching me in amazement as she sat on her grandmother’s lap. I smiled at her before I began my speech.
"I would like to propose a toast, to the bride and groom." I announced, lowering my glass since I now had everyone’s attention. "Don’t worry, it won’t be extremely long because Mike’s speech at my wedding wasn’t that great," I chuckled at my own joke as did everyone else. "Nah but Mike and I have been best friends for years and we’ve been through pretty much everything together. And Lauren, I’ve known her since college and since then she’s become like a sister to me. I watched their love grow from a silly little crush to what it is today and I can honestly say that those two are meant for each other. May today be the start of the rest of your lives…" I paused to lift my glass once more. "To the bride and groom, I love yall."
"To the bride and groom." The entire room said in unison before erupting in a roar of applause as I retook my seat.
"Nice speech," Jessica whispered and I just nodded in response.
My phone starting buzzing in the pocket of my dress pants, “Excuse me,” I said to no one in particular as I stood up and headed outside so I could answer the call.
"Hello?" I answered.
"I’ve been trying to reach you for the past twenty minutes nigga!" Alexis’ voice blared from the other end of the phone.
"I’ve been busy, you know today is Mike’s wedding day right?"
"Yeah whatever," She said dismissing my statement. "Anyway, Bianca’s water just broke and you’re lucky I was here with her!"
"Nigga shut up, I asked you to watch her anyway! You taking her to University of Chicago Hospital right?"
A small sigh emitted from her mouth before she spoke, “Yes, we’re on our way just meets us there.” She replied before hanging up.
I stuffed my phone back into my pocket before rushing over to the valet. I pulled out the red ticket they gave me shoved it in one of their hands. “I need my car now!”
"Right away sir," The valet nodded his head and rushed off to get my Range Rover for me. Being that it was mid-August, it was extremely warm outside even though it was dark outside. One thing about summer in Chicago is that it is extremely humid in comparison to other places, not as bad as Texas but worse than California.
About five minutes later the valet pulled up with my car, I tipped him with a fifty and hurriedly rushed inside and sped off towards the hospital not even bothering to announce my departure to anyone. I think reality was finally setting in that I was finally about to have my second child. I wish I could say that I knew what we were having but Bianca was very adamant in not wanting to know the sex of the baby until he or she was born. So for the hell of it, whenever I bought something for the baby I either made sure it was unisex or bought one for each gender. And I’ll donate the items for the gender that we don’t have to charity.
I reached the hospital in thirty minutes which was good considering the fact that I was coming from up north but my anxiety pushed me to speed and thankfully I didn’t get stopped by any police officers. How awful would that be?
I found a parking space near the entrance of the hospital and hurriedly rushed out of the car into the building. There was only one woman at the front desk but she was on the phone completely ignoring my presence.
"Excuse me," I said politely, trying to be nice about her rudeness. But as expected she continued to ignore me as she zoned in on her conversation that she was having probably with one of her ghetto friends. Just by the way she was speaking I could infer that it wasn’t a work call. "Listen, my baby is about to be born so how about you get your rude ass off the phone and do your fucking job?" I spoke through gritted teeth, trying not to cause a scene.
"Jen, I’m gonna call you back," She uttered into the phone before hanging it up. She rolled her eyes at me and chewed on her gum just like a ratchet bitch. "Can I help you?"
"I need a room number for Bianca Alvarez," I said calmly, trying not to let her get to me. My baby was about to be born so I had nothing to be angry about, nothing was about to ruin this moment for me.
"She just checked in ten minutes ago, room 515B here’s your visitor’s pass."
I grabbed the pass from her and quickly raced towards the elevator’s not wanting to waste anymore time. Had it not been for her ghetto ass I probably would’ve already been up there already.
I ran out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened earning a few stares from the staff on the floor but I ignored them and continued my journey to her room.
Upon entering the room I immediately noticed Bianca lying in the bed in one of those hospital gowns and Alexis was sitting off to the side flipping through channels on the TV.
I released a sigh of relief thankful that I didn’t miss anything. Walking over to the bed, I placed a kiss on Bianca’s forehead before sitting down in the chair that was next to her bed. “What’s going on?” I asked.
Bianca shrugged, “I’m only four centimeters dilated and my contractions are thirty minutes apart so I’m not ready to give birth just yet.”
"I’m going down to the cafeteria, Chris you want anything?" Alexis asked, standing up from her spot on the couch as I shook my head.
"Nah, I’m good," I replied. She shrugged and continued her journey out of the room. "You nervous?" I asked Bianca.
"Nervous about all the pain I’m about to experience thanks to you!" She yelled in her best fake-angry tone that I saw right through.
"It takes two to tango," I smirked.
"Fuck you Chris."
My sentence was cut short by her punching me in the chest. “Don’t even say it asshole,” She muttered, fighting off her chuckles.
"Girl you gon’ get enough of putting your hands on me!" I mumbled, rubbing the spot that she punched and left a little tender.
"Oh my God!!! Chrisssss get the doctor!" Bianca screamed as she held onto her stomach for dear life. I quickly got up from my seat and went out to find the doctor but when I didn’t see him, I settled on a nurse.
"Can you alert the doctor? I think the baby is coming!" They rushed off to find the doctor and I went back into the room to find Bianca still in pain clutching onto her stomach.
"Is….he….coming?" Her breathing was heavy and she could barely speak due to the pain she was experiencing. Moments like these made me glad I wasn’t a female because they really gotta go through it all.
"Yeah they went to get him," I replied, walking back over to her bedside. I grabbed the towel that had been sitting inside a bowl of water and rung it out before dabbing it across her forehead to ease her up a little.
"Let’s deliver a baby! Shall we?" The doctor asked excitedly upon entering the room. He walked over to the sink and washed his hands before covering them with gloves. He had Bianca prop her legs up and insert her feet into some circular things so that he had a clear view of her area. I don’t understand how women could be comfortable sitting up there knowing they’re all exposed and whatnot but more power to them.
"Ten centimeters dilated, you’re ready." Dr. Smith announced.
When I was watching Jessica deliver Casey, I damn near fainted when I saw her crowning but I think I should be okay this time since I know what to expect.
"Take a deep breath for me," He coached Bianca. "Now push and keep breathing through your nose." She followed his orders and pushed, the pain she was experiencing was written all over her face. I gave her my left hand to squeeze as I allowed my right hand to keep dabbing her forehead with the cold water.
"Good, now take another deep breath and push again." She did as he said once again as she squeezed the shit out of my hand.
"You’re crowning! One more push Bianca, make it strong."
"Ahhhhh!" She screamed as she pushed as hard as she could, all the while breaking every bone in my hand — at least that’s what it felt like.
Loud cries erupted in the room but left as quickly as they came because the nurses took the baby to the back before we got to find out the sex. Bianca was panting hard as I dabbed her forehead once more to rid her of the beads of sweat that were trickling down her face.
"Bitch," Bianca muttered hoarsley.
"I’ma let you slide ‘cause you just had my baby but watch ya mouth Alvarez," I replied.
The nurses came back into the room with the baby before Bianca could respond, she didn’t know who to give the baby to first but Bianca pointed to me.
"Say hello to your new baby boy," The nurse cooed as she handed him over to me.
I finally have a son.
"Just what we need, another you running around here," Bianca joked, as I came to sit next to her on the bed. "What should we name him?" She asked.
Author’s note: Say hello to Christopher Maurice Brown Jr.
When you get married you imagine that you’re going to be with that particular person for the rest of your life, that’s the whole concept of marriage right? To be committed to one person until death do you part.
Unfortunately it doesn’t always work out that way.
No one gets married just to end up going through a divorce a few years later but shit happens. Every situation is different and sometimes you can’t just work through your issues.
I wish I could place all the blame on Chris but that wouldn’t be fair because what I did is no better than what he did. We both stepped outside of our marriage for selfish reasons without thinking about the consequences of our actions.
After our big argument at the house, I sat in the same spot and cried for two hours straight. Once I got myself together, I put our entire situation into perspective and really thought we could work through this. I wanted us to just leave this in the past and start over with a clean slate but we can’t leave everything in the past if part of it will have to continue on into the future.
Her still being pregnant ruined our chances of staying together because that is one thing I refuse to put up with. No matter how much I didn’t want her to, she’d always be a part of his life because she was carrying a piece of him inside of her. She now has a part of him that only I was supposed to have, we’re basically in the same place in his life. The only thing I have that she doesn’t is a ring and obviously that isn’t saying much.
I know I told Chris that we don’t have to hate each other but I can’t think of another word to describe the way I feel about him right now. I couldn’t pretend that everything was okay because it wasn’t, not even close to being okay.
Even though he didn’t take Casey to the hospital with him, he still took it too far by bringing her to meet his mother like she was his girlfriend or something. Shit, for all I know that might be exactly what she is. Baby mama or not, his mother doesn’t need to meet her until their damn child is born.
The thought alone disgusted me.
When I got pregnant without know which one of them fathered the child, I did what I had to do for the sake of my marriage but I can tell that Chris wants this damn child with her, whether I leave or not he’s going to have this baby with her.
I can’t play step mom to a child he made while cheating on me, it would’ve been a different story if he already had a child before we got together. And even if I did stay, who’s to say that he wouldn’t cheat on me again with her? She’s his baby mother now and whether he wants to admit it or not, she has a piece of his heart. Chris obviously has a problem keeping his dick in his pants already.
Chris has stepped out on me twice and that’s only what has been brought to my attention, who knows how many times he really cheated on me? I can’t help but wonder how many more Veronica’s and Bianca’s there were.
How had I not foreseen this?
Chris couldn’t have been that damn clever with his cheating so why the fuck was I so damn oblivious?
Or at least what I wrongly perceived as love.
Rushing into marriage obviously was a mistake, I had my doubts but Chris led me to believe that he was all about us.
I mean, who gets married just to cheat?
Chris. That’s who.
How can you claim to be in love with someone but you’ve been cheating on them since the beginning? He doesn’t value me or our relationship and apparently he never has. Although I hate that it has come to this, divorce is my only option.
I told him that I’d see him when he got home but just looking at these walls was driving me to the point of insanity, knowing this home was built on a lie made me sick.
I’m gonna go to the courthouse Monday morning to file for a divorce but in the meantime, I think it’s time that babygirl and I move back into our apartment.
My mind was made up, there was nothing anyone could say to me to make me stay. Quickly, I wiped the lone tear that cascaded down my face before getting up to pack a bag filled with Casey and I’s things. There was no way that I’d be able to pack all of our belongings tonight so I made sure to just focus on the necessities.
I can hire some movers in the morning, I just need to get out of this house tonight.
Keeping the apartment was one of the best decisions I ever made.
I had just laid Casey down in her crib because babygirl was sleepy, now I was sitting in my bedroom watching Soul Plane. I had to get used to sleeping alone again, although it shouldn’t be that hard considering the fact that I slept alone a number of times while living with Chris.
The marimba ringtone sounding from my iPhone brought me out of my thoughts, I picked up the illuminating device to see that it was Lauren calling.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Good to know you aren’t dead! Where have you been all day?" Lauren voiced loudly, forcing me to pull the phone slightly away from my ear as I chuckled faintly.
"It’s been a long day." I mumbled sadly.
"What’s wrong?" She asked, concern leaking from her tone.
"Everything," I replied. "But I really don’t feel like going into details right now, let’s do lunch tomorrow?"
"Okay, love you."
"You too." I said before hanging up.
Soul plane was still on and although I loved this movie, I couldn’t focus on it because my mind wouldn’t allow me too. The same thoughts kept running through my head like a broken record.
I needed something to ease my mind.
I haven’t smoked since finding out I was pregnant with Casey but I sure could go for a blunt right now, it would put me and these annoying thoughts to rest.
Since I didn’t have that, I’d have to settle for the next best thing. I stared at my phone in front of me contemplating if I was ready to make that call.
I had an internal battle with myself for about ten minutes before I gave in and picked up the phone. I dialed the numbers that I wish I didn’t know by heart but couldn’t help not to. The phone rang four times before they answered.
"What do you want?" Gabe asked harshly, I knew he would be upset with me and I’m actually surprised that he answered my call at all.
I didn’t know what to say to him though so I stayed quiet, trying to build up the courage to say what I called him for.
But I don’t know why I called him.
I guess I was so used to calling him while Chris and I were on “break” dialing his number while I was feeling lonely became the norm for me I suppose.
A deep huff escaped his mouth before he spoke again, “If you ain’t gon’ say shit then—”
"Wait," I rushed out, sensing that he was going to hang up on me. "I-I need you." I mumbled lowly, picking at the invisible lint on my yoga pants.
"I’m not about to play these games with you again Jessica."
"No," He cut me off, the agitation in his voice was growing by the minute.
"You fucked it up when you chose him, don’t come calling me because he fucked up again." He spat harshly.
"I’m at my apartment if you change your mind." I said lowly, hanging up the phone shortly after before he could even respond.
I knew he’d have ill feelings towards me because of how things went down a few months ago. When Chris and I got back on good terms I was still messing around with Gabe but once I began feeling secure with Chris again, I completely ignored Gabe. Every time he called or texted, I’d just ignore and delete it as if it never happened.
At that time I couldn’t imagine actually leaving Chris for Gabe, although I often told him that I would, it just wasn’t realistic for me. Sure Gabe was there for me but in the midst of him being there for me, I was still crying over Chris. I made those promises to him in a moment of weakness but in hindsight, being with Gabe probably would’ve saved me from the heartache that I feel now.
But it wouldn’t have been fair to Gabe to be with him knowing that my heart still yearned for Chris. I can’t lie and say that I don’t feel something for Gabe but even still my heart sadly remains with Chris, I can feel myself slipping away but it’s going to take some time.
The sound of the doorbell brought me out of my daunting thoughts, I didn’t know whether to smile or not because that could be one of two people and I had no idea which one of them it was.
On my way to the front door I stopped by Casey’s room to ensure that she was still sleeping, when I got confirmation I continued onto the door. They ended up ringing the bell once more right before I got to answer it.
A wide grin spread across my lips once I opened the door to find Gabe standing there staring right back at me. Not a word was said as I stepped aside to allow him access into the apartment which he accepted. I walked off towards the room as he closed and locked the front door before following behind me. Normally I wouldn’t have him around while Casey was here but she was sleep anyway and I needed him right now.
"Why am I here Jessica?" He asked, standing by the bedroom door while I took a seat on the bed and stared at him intently.
"Can you just…" I looked away to avoid his stare, feeling a bit embarrassed for what I was about to ask. "…Hold me?"
After dropping Bianca off, I drove aimlessly around the city not wanting to go home for obvious reasons. Jessica was way too calm at mama’s house which probably meant that she was waiting until we were home for her to yell at me and I honestly didn’t feel like arguing with her for the third time today.
I just wanted to go home and sleep this dramatic ass day off, too much shit happened in the past 24 hours. I decided to just say fuck it and head home, maybe she’d be sleep and I can postpone any arguing until the morning.
When I arrived at the house I immediately took notice to how quiet it was so I assumed that both of them were sleeping which was perfect for me. I stopped by Casey’s room but she wasn’t in her crib so maybe Jessica had her sleeping in our room which I should’ve expected.
But when I reached our room, neither of them were in there.
I searched the entire perimeter of the house and there wasn’t a sign of either one of them. Glancing at my watch, I noticed that it was eleven o clock which meant that Casey should be sleep right now so I know Jessica didn’t just have her out anywhere.
She told me she’d see me when I got home but here I am and she’s gone, I didn’t need to guess where she was because I already knew.
She kept that apartment for a reason.
When I moved her out of that apartment I was so sure that she wouldn’t be needing it anymore but look where we are now. A small shiny object on the nightstand caught my attention, pulling me towards it like some sort of magnetic force.
It was her wedding ring.
This is the second time she gave the ring back but the first time she uttered the word divorce. The reality of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks because I knew she was serious this time.
But could I blame her?
I cheated on her twice— that she knows of — and got one of the women pregnant, how could I expect her to stay with me through that? She told me if I cheated again then she wouldn’t hesitate to divorce me and obviously she’s holding true to her words.
Honestly, even if Bianca wasn’t still pregnant I don’t think our marriage would’ve worked out anyway. I can’t get over the fact that she cheated on me and terminated her pregnancy because she didn’t know who the father was. I’ll acknowledge that I’m a hypocrite but I honestly don’t care, that shit is just foul as fuck. Not only is it foul but it’s also unattractive, she was having unprotected sex with two niggas in the same time frame.
But when I put the situation into perspective it’s almost like Jessica and I are the same damn person because we pretty much did the same thing. I can’t fault her for having feelings involved with that nigga because I’d be lying if I said my feelings weren’t involved with Bianca.
I haven’t been alone in this house in a long ass time and being alone in it now brought me an eerie feeling that wasn’t sitting right with me.
Maybe I didn’t have to stay here.
Quickly, I grabbed my gym bag and filled it with an outfit for tomorrow and hygiene items before racing downstairs back to the car. I was tired of driving but here I was about to drive back into the city just because I didn’t want to sleep alone in that house tonight. I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid this every night but I just didn’t want to be alone tonight.
Thankfully there wasn’t a lot of traffic so I pulled up to Bianca’s apartment complex about twenty minutes later. I would’ve called her to let her know that I was returning but I still didn’t have her new number, which would definitely have to change.
There wasn’t anybody at the front desk so I went straight to the elevator with no problems. The ride to the tenth floor was quick since I was the only one inside so there were no extra stops.
I knocked lightly on her door, not feeling as nervous as I was the other night when I showed up because this time I knew she didn’t hate me.
"Who is it?" Bianca asked through the door.
"Ya baby daddy," I smirked as she unlocked the door.
Once we were face to face she mugged me, as I took the time to admire her dressed down frame in a pair of track shorts and a tank top, her blonde tresses were in a sloppy bun just how I liked it. I’d always appreciate a woman that looks just as good dressed down as she does when she’s dressed up. “One, don’t you ever say my baby daddy. And two, what are you doing here and why do you have a bag?”
"You gon’ let a nigga in or what?"
She rolled her eyes before stepping aside so I could enter the apartment, Alexis was on the couch watching some movie on Lifetime and judging by the blanket and pillow on the other couch, Bianca was too.
"What’s up Lex?"
"Hey Chris," She mumbled, not taking her eyes off the screen.
"B I’m gonna chill in your room, come in there when you done watching this girly shit." I stated, walking towards her bedroom without giving her the chance to respond.
I haven’t been inside this apartment in a long time and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it, there was a point in time when this was practically my second home. Being here reminded me that I’d have to call the movers in the morning because I wanted her in my condo as soon as possible.
I decided to turn on Sportscenter to watch highlights from the Heat game that I missed due to this eventful ass day. Kicking off my shoes, I rid myself of the sweatpants I had on so that I was down to my basketball shorts before hopping into her bed.
I watched a full hour of Sportscenter before Bianca finally came into the room.
"So are you going to tell me why you’re here?" She inquired, sitting next to me on the bed.
"I didn’t wanna be alone," I answered truthfully, not wanting to lie to her.
"Yea," I said in a monotone.
"I’m sorry—" She started but I cut her off.
"You aint got shit to be sorry about, it ain’t your fault." I grumbled. Bianca didn’t need to be blaming herself because although she was a contributing factor, Jessica and I were on the road to destruction either way.
"You want me to get you some blankets?" She asked suddenly.
"For the couch nigga! I know you didn’t think you were sleeping in here?" She chortled.
"Girl please," I said in my best ratchet girl impression. "A nigga sleeping right here, we ain’t gotta cuddle though."
"Oh I know because we aren’t," She said smartly. "You stay on your side and I’ll stay on mine." She mumbled, getting under the covers.
"Whatever," I said, mimicking her actions by getting under the covers.
"You know you’re not gonna be here much longer right? I’m calling the movers in the morning to set up a date for them to come out here."
"Yeah I know, I just talked to Lex about it and she said she expected it because I need my own space with the baby."
I nodded my head in agreement as the room fell silent. I was debating on whether or not I should ask her the question that has been on my mind since earlier.
"Are you happy about having my baby Bianca?" I blurted, before I was even aware that the words were leaving my mouth.
"I wouldn’t say happy because this isn’t how I imagined starting a family, but I’m not sad about it either. I think it’ll just take some getting used to."
When she said this isn’t how she imagined she’d be starting a family she didn’t need to elaborate because I knew what she meant. She wanted to start a family with a man she was married to or at least in a relationship with, and we were neither of those. Although I do look at our affair as a relationship, we’re not doing that anymore and I was never fully hers. But it is what it is.
"So were you ever with that nigga or did you just like making me think that you were?" That was another question that had been on my mind, Alexis told me that they were just friends but only Bianca could put my thoughts to rest on that subject matter.
She chuckled softly, “We were just friends Chris, never even kissed.”
"Good," I said, content with her answer. And the fact that she said they were friends made me feel even better because that meant they weren’t anymore, I didn’t really want her around him anyway.
"Your jealousy is cute, but so unnecessary." She giggled.
"Jealous?" I chuckled, "I’m not jealous." I said in my most convincing tone but she wasn’t buying it.
"Whatever you say Christopher," She paused to yawn. "I’m going to sleep now." She rolled over on her side and instinctively I moved behind her and wrapped my arms around her body even though we said no cuddling.
"Chris? I thought we said—"
"Go to sleep," I demanded, snuggling into her more just enjoying the feel of having someone in my arms.
It’s been a while since we’ve been this close and I was going to take as much of it as I could get because who knows when I’d have this chance again.
Besides, cuddling is innocent right?
Was I dreaming?
All I heard was that there was still a living baby inside my stomach before I completely spaced out. Dr. Smith and Chris were still talking but I didn’t hear a word that either of them were saying because my own thoughts were louder than the sound of either of their voices.
“Bianca,” Chris’s voice tore me away from my thoughts.
“Hm?” I mumbled, still not giving him my full attention as I picked at the imaginary lint on this God forsaken hospital robe they had me in.
“He’s trying to explain it to us but you zoned out, you okay?” Chris asked with concern filled eyes, I looked down to see that our hands were still connected.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I whispered as I finally brought my eyes up to meet Dr. Smith’s. “I apologize.”
“It’s alright, it’s a natural reaction.”
“So the fight that I was engaged in earlier, didn’t cause my miscarriage?”
“But she kicked me right in the stomach.” I wasn’t trying to come off as rude but I needed to make some kind of sense out of this twisted situation. “How could that not be the cause of it?”
“She may have forced some complications on the surviving baby, we’ll have to figure that out when we finish the ultrasound. But what I’m telling you now is that you’ve been a victim of Vanishing Twin Syndrome.”
I remember him asking if we knew what Vanishing Twin Syndrome was before I zoned out but I didn’t know then and I don’t know now. What normal person would know what that is? It sounds like a made up term from a soap opera or something.
“Can you explain it to me, in layman terms please?”
“Sure,” He walked back over to the screen that displayed my ultrasound. “This is your surviving baby.” He pointed to a space on the screen where I could just barely make out the figure. “And this,” He pointed somewhere left of where our baby was. “Is the empty sac that your baby’s twin once occupied.”
“S-so what happened to the other baby?”
“The other baby was reabsorbed within your body,” He explained, as if what he just said was normal - maybe for him it was - but certainly not for me.
“R-reabsorbed, but how?” Dr. Smith chuckled at my look of befuddlement but I didn’t see anything funny, this situation was just getting weirder and weirder. I looked over at Chris and he seemed to be just as perplexed as I was but he kept his mouth shut. “Why?”
“See that’s the thing about Vanishing Twin Syndrome, we don’t know what exactly causes it,” He said. “Most miscarriages are caused by genetic abnormalities, such as extra chromosomes, but this isn’t your average miscarriage that’s why it has it’s own name rather than us just calling it a miscarriage,” He explained. “But, your case is different than most others.”
“How so?” This time it was Chris asking the question.
“Most women who experience VTS usually don’t experience any of the normal miscarriage symptoms such as bleeding, cramping, excetera. That is why upon your arrival here, we assumed you were just having a normal miscarriage but while we were doing the ultrasound I discovered this empty sac.”
“So, will our other baby survive?” Chris asked.
“We need to continue on with the ultrasound and listen to the baby’s heartbeat before I determine that, but in most cases the child does survive and go on to lead a perfectly normal life. Would you like to hear the baby’s heartbeat?”
“Yes,” Chris answered before I could.
“Very well then,” Dr. Smith replied, jotting down some more things on his clipboard. Once he was finished with that he washed his hands before grabbing the gel that had been placed on my stomach earlier, before sitting in his previous spot in front of me. “You already know this is going to be cold, but I have to warn you anyway.” He chuckled.
My body’s natural reaction was to jump from the ice cold substance being poured onto it, I could never get used to this. And to think this was probably going to be my life for the next five or six months, God willing nothing is wrong with our remaining baby.
Am I ready to be a mother?
If this baby is healthy enough to survive then I don’t have a choice but to be ready because I don’t believe in abortions, especially after I just lost one child.
I was brought out of my thoughts by what sound like horse galloping or a roaring thunder on a stormy night.
That was my baby’s heartbeat.
Before I could enjoy the moment any further, Dr.Smith began speaking again. “So there are some minor complications with the heartbeat,” He said, bringing me off the high that I was on from hearing the heartbeat.
“And what might that be?” Chris voiced the question that was on both of our minds. “It isn’t severe is it?” I could hear the concern in his voice.
He really wanted this.
“Not necessarily,” Dr. Smith spoke. “As of today the baby’s heart is beating 110 beats per minute, you’re between twelve and thirteen weeks pregnant so it should’ve been somewhere between 120 and 180. I wouldn’t rule this as a high risk pregnancy because the heart rate isn’t too far off the mark, but I would suggest that you take it easy Ms. Alvarez.”
“When you say take it easy…”
“I mean, if you’re an extremely active person everyday then that’ll probably have to change. We don’t want to put any unwanted stress on the baby, what do you do for a living?”
“I own a boutique.”
“So you’re not on your feet a lot right?” He inquired.
“No, I’m in my office most of the time and I check on the sales floor occasionally.”
He nodded before grabbing his clipboard and scribbling down some more notes. “Try to keep it that way, I’m not going to put you on bed rest because as I stated before it’s not that drastic but you should be cautious of how active you are.” He explained. “And no more fighting Ms. Alvarez.”
“Of course not,” I smiled.
“Well, I’m going to fill out your prescription for some prenatal vitamins because you have a lot of catching up to do and we have to keep that baby healthy. Congratulations you two,” He said, leaving out of the room.
Chris stood up and walked over to the sink to retrieve some paper towels, upon returning over to me he stood up and wiped my belly with the paper towels to rid it of the blue gel.
“Thank you,” I mumbled once he was finished.
“You’re welcome,” He replied, walking to the trash can to dispose of the paper towels.
“I gotta ask you this question that’s been bothering me for that past few minutes,” He chuckled, returning to his seat beside my bed. “How did you not know you were pregnant? You definitely gained some we—”
His sentence was cut short by me punching him in the chest at the rude comment he was about to make. “Pregnant or not, you never tell a woman she gained weight!”
Rubbing the spot where I punched him, Chris chuckled faintly. “Damn, you ain’t have to punch me though.”
I simply shrugged in response hoping that he would learn his lesson to never say anything like that to me again, I don’t care if I’m nine months pregnant and ready to burst he better not. Women are just naturally sensitive about our weight for some reason.
“So,” Chris said after a few minutes of silence. “I never got to apologize for doing you the way I did—”
The motion of my hand moving upward ceased whatever apology he was about to spew my way. “Honestly Chris, I’m over it now so you really don’t have to. Anyway, you were right by doing so, it was a fling that shouldn’t have happened and your marriage was more important. I get it.” I mumbled with another shrug.
“Over it, or over me?” He inquired, his deep chocolate brown eyes peering into my own but his stare was too intense for me so I broke it.
“Does it matter?” I retorted in an icy tone, not wanting to go down this road with Chris again.
“Yes it does actually,” He stated simply. “Obviously we’re going to be spending a lot of time together because I’m not missing any of your doctor’s appointments and I’ll be checking on you daily to ensure that you’re following the doctor’s orders.” He explained.
“But what does that have to do with me being over you? All we have to do is be cordial with one another and obviously we’re capable of doing that so I don’t get where emotions come into play.”
“Touche, but I want you to move into that condo—”
“No,” I cut him off, shaking my head swiftly from left to right at his statement. “Hell no.”
Chuckling he said, “Why not?”
“Because you probably have keys to that damn place aside from the one’s that I’d have so, uh no thanks.”
“You gave me keys to your apartment before.” He said smartly, a smirk resting on his pink lips.
Releasing an exasperated sigh, “That was when we were…whatever, point is that we’re not like that anymore.”
“But we could be…”
I knew he was going to try this nonsense and I’m not here for it at all, Chris is a smooth talker but I refuse to fall for it. “No, those days are over and this baby won’t change that.”
“Can’t blame a man for trying,” He chuckled once more as he ascended from his chair to join me on the bed, he moved my legs over gently so that he could sit. “Anyway just think about the condo thing, do you really want to raise a baby while living with your best friend?”
“I could just find my own place,” I retorted.
“Looking for places is too stressful and we don’t need that.”
I opened my mouth to release some kind of rebuttal but came up with nothing because what he said actually made sense. I already had plans of moving out but I still hadn’t found a place that was perfect enough for me to move into. The process was beyond stressful, dealing with realtors and finding seemingly right places only to discover that everything isn’t what it seems. And here he was offering me a condo that was supposed to be mine months ago, and all I had to do was say yes. I gnawed at the inside of my bottom lip, not wanting to tell Chris that for once he actually made sense.
“You’re right,” I mumbled lowly, twiddling my fingers to avoid looking at him because I know the cocky bastard was smirking.
“I know,” He hooked his fingers under my chin and forced me to look up at his smirking face. “Just let me take care of everything the packing, the movers, the place is already furnished, and I’ll stock the fridge, all you gotta do is show up.”
What person in their right mind would turn an offer like that down? Me because I didn’t feel comfortable allowing him to do so much for me, I never did. “Chris I can’t—”
“Don’t even,” He cut me off. “You’re the mother of my kid now and I gotta make sure yall are both alright, you understand?” Nodding my head slowly, I felt like a child getting scolded by their parents.
“Good, I’ll be dropping you off at work every morning and picking you up every evening aight?” I wanted to protest but there really was no arguing with Chris right now, he was in protective mode so I just nodded my head again. “If you need anything don’t hesitate to call me, I don’t care what time it is. I know how those pregnancy cravings can be so I got you.” He stared at me intensely and this time I didn’t look away, something about Chris was different I could see it in his eyes. He was trying to read me at the same time I was trying to read him.
The sound of his phone ringing brought us out of the little stare down we were having, he removed it from his pocket and mumbled that he’d be right back so he could answer the call.
This has been an eventful day for me and honestly I’m just ready to get it over with. I hadn’t planned on pressing charges on Jessica and now that I know she wasn’t the cause of my ‘miscarriage’ I can tell the police that whenever they come back, she has a child to take care of so she doesn’t need to be locked away in a cell anyway. After all, it was my fault that she was so angry and she reacted the way any woman would if she felt there was a threat to her marriage.
How could I expect her to know that Chris and I were done when she found out? And even so, the fact of the matter is I was still messing with her husband so she had every right to be angry. I’m not proud of what I’ve done and I always imagined that I’d have my first child when I got married but that’s the thing about life, you can’t plan out every single detail no matter how hard you try.
These are the cards that I’ve been dealt and I intend to play my hand because that’s all I can do. My father wouldn’t be proud of the situation that I put myself in but I can’t beat myself up over it.
Dr. Smith came back with my prescription for prenatal vitamins and told me that I could leave whenever I wanted to but I had to be escorted by Chris in a wheelchair for safety precautions.
Chris came back into the room after about ten minutes and he looked like something was weighing heavy on his mind.
“You okay?” I queried, releasing him from whatever thoughts swarmed his mind as his head snapped in my direction.
“Hm? Yeah, I’m good but there’s something I need to run by you…” He trailed off. “I told my mama the news about the baby and now she wants to meet you.”
My eyes nearly popped out of my head, that was the last thing I was expecting to come out of his mouth. “W-what? Why?”
“Uh, because you’re carrying her grandchild,” His monotone let me know that what his way of saying ‘duh’ like I should’ve already known the answer — which I did — but I was nervous so I said the first thing that came to mind. “And I already told her that you would so uh, there’s no getting out of it. I already told Lex and Nancy the news and I also told them that I’d take you home so they left, we’re gonna stop by my mom’s house first though.”
I guess I really had no choice but to get dressed and accompany him to his mother’s house, no matter how much I didn’t want to.
“Hello?” I answered the call from my mama just as I stepped out of the hospital room.
“Why is Jessica calling me asking if you brought Casey with you to the hospital to see that girl?” I could tell mama was annoyed at us for putting her in the middle of our mess.
“Oh shit,” I chuckled, “My bad ma, she probably thought I was bringing Casey because when I left the house I told her that I was picking up Casey and going to see Bianca but I didn’t mean it in that way.”
“Yall need to get it together,” She muttered.
“I agree, but guess what mama!” Though I knew she wouldn’t approve, I was still excited to tell her the news.
“What?” She asked cautiously.
“Bianca is still pregnant!”
The other end of the phone went deal silent and I feared that she hung up on me but my phone indicated that she didn’t so I gave her a few minutes to process the information.
About two minutes went by before she finally spoke, “I want to meet her, bring her to the house.” Three beeps emitted from my phone made me realize that I’d just been hung up on, mama ment business and I had to comply to her orders.
Gnawing at the inside of my bottom lip, I contemplated how I was going to actually get Bianca to go. I’m sure she’d be catching a ride home with Alexis whenever the doctor cleared her to leave so I’d just have to run it by Lex that I’d take her home.
I could practically feel the wave of nerves emitting from Bianca in the passenger seat as we rode in silence to mama’s house. Unbeknownst to her, she was making me even more nervous than I already was because I didn’t know what to expect.
“Chill,” I said to both her and myself.
She ignored me and continued to stare out of her window the rest of the way to mama’s house. When we arrived, she walked slowly to the door as if she was dreading it. I unlocked the door and held it open for her to walk inside first and I followed close behind.
Just as we walked into the living room, mama entered from the kitchen with Casey hot on her trail.
“Dada!” Casey squealed, power walking over to me and I scooped her up in my arms. We always act like we haven’t seen each other although we’d just seen each other a few hours ago. “Hi.” She said shyly with a small wave of her hand, looking in Bianca’s direction. She was such a friendly little girl and even more so when her expanding vocabulary.
“Hi pretty girl.” Bianca smiled.
Mama cleared her throat and we all moved to sit down on the couches but the doorbell ringing stopped mama before she could sit down. She moved towards the door and we all gasped at who came storming inside.
And she looked pissed.
“I knew it.” Jessica fumed, I stood up from the couch to approach her before she even thought to come attacking Bianca again because we didn’t need that.
“Don’t baby me Christopher! What is she doing here?” She was breathing heavily through her nostrils, her chest rose and fell quickly.
“Mama!” Casey shouted, not noticing the tension in the room of course.
“I’ll take her and stay down here with Bianca while you two go upstairs and talk.” Mama cut it, grabbing Casey from my arms before either of us could protest.
Jessica glared at Bianca the entire way to the stairs but Bianca didn’t seem to be fazed by it, in fact she pretty much ignored Jessica’s presence completely.
As soon as we made it up the stairs I decided for us to go into my father’s study, I held the door open for a seething Jessica before following her inside.
Immediately, she picked up one of his books that were lying around and chucked it at my head hitting me directly in the middle of my forehead. “Don’t start throwing shit at me Jessica! This shit ain’t even what ya ass probably over there thinking!”
“Then what the fuck is it? You had your mother lie to me while you took my baby to go up to the hospital to see your bitch?”
“Man, I ain’t take Casey up to the fucking hospital with me. I don’t even think babies are allowed up there in the first fucking place!”
“So why is she here Chris, you thought it was a good idea to bring your mistress to meet your mama?”
Heaving a deep sigh, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at how dramatic she was being. “Mama wanted to meet her.” I stated simply, not sure if I should reveal to her that Bianca was still pregnant.
“She’s still pregnant,” I mumbled lowly, opting to take a seat in one of the chairs because I knew this conversation was just getting started.
“Excuse me?” She mirrored my actions, taking a seat in the chair adjacent to mine.
“She’s still pregnant,” I said loud enough for her to hear.
A set of bitter chuckles emitted from Jessica’s mouth, “I quit.” She muttered, moving to take off her wedding ring. “You know, when you left I thought maybe we could get through this. We were both wrong and if we could just bring ourselves to admit that then we’d be able to move forward but now I quit, I can’t do this — I won’t do this.” The last few words came out as more of a whisper as she absentmindedly twirled the wedding ring with her fingers. “I refuse to keep coming second in my own marriage to her, I refuse to be unhappy in my own marriage because of her, so tell her she wins, she can have you because I quit.”
“So because she’s pregnant, you want out?” Earlier I was acting nonchalant about her mentioning a divorce because I knew she was speaking out of anger. But now that she had time to think it over and was still talking about a divorce, worried me. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to let Jessica go completely, we’ve been together forever.
“Think about it this way,” She mumbled. “If I would’ve kept the baby I aborted and it happened to be Gabe’s kid, would you still want to be with me?” She crossed her arms over her chest as she awaited my response. “And don’t lie.”
“Honestly? No, but—”
“Exactly,” She said, cutting me off from whatever excuse I was going to come up with - I didn’t even know. “There’s no ‘but’, if you had kids before we got married then I’d deal but I refuse to stick around and play stepmother to your illegitimate child.” She muttered, pushing herself off the chair to stand to her feet. She walked over to my chair and stood directly in front of me, dropping the ring into my lap.
“You really gon’ do this though?” I asked, feeling my chest get a little tight as I pulled her down onto my lap. “I’m sorry baby, this shit is all my fault.” I whispered into her ear as she gave up on trying to fight her way out of my hold.
“You got that right,” She mumbled, kissing her teeth. “You broke us, not the other way around.”
“I know and I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I never meant for shit to go this far.”
“No you thought you could continue playing me, getting the best of both worlds; A wife at home and a woman on the side, thinking I would never find out.” She chuckled bitterly. “Can’t believe I didn’t realize it sooner.”
“I stopped messing with her a while ago for you.”
“She shouldn’t have been in the picture at all Chris! But I won’t sit here and act innocent anymore, I know I was wrong too and I helped contribute to our downfall with my own affair,” She paused to take a deep breath. “I was vulnerable a couple of days after I saw the sextape, Gabe came over to the apartment and I told him what was going on so he comforted me.” She continued, “I blamed myself for you stepping out on me, thinking that I wasn’t enough for you and he made me feel special again — like you used to,” The last part came out as a whisper as she reached up to wipe the tears than began to fall freely from her eyes, I rubbed her arms in a slow methodical motion in an attempt to comfort her although she was describing the details of her affair. “At first I hated myself for having sex with him, I couldn’t look myself in the mirror for weeks because I’d become just like you. But as time went by, Gabe continued to make me feel wanted and loved so our affair kept on and I stopped hating myself for it because I realized that I wanted it just as bad as he did.”
“Were you still having sex with him when we moved back in together?” I inquired, fearing that I already knew the answer.
“Yes,” She whispered, “Because even though we had moved back in together, we still weren’t back to how we used to be and I wasn’t happy with you and I knew you weren’t happy with me. I ended things with him in December because that’s when you and I started getting back to our old ways and I was thrilled, but only for us to end up here. So instead of us trying, and failing, to save our marriage once again, why don’t we just call it quits?”
“Dealing with your baby mama drama is only going to make me unhappy and I refuse to stay in that space, so I will be filing for a divorce and moving into my apartment within the next few days.”
“We don’t have to hate each other though, I’ll see you when you get home.” She turned around and planted a kiss on my cheek before getting up from my lap and heading to the door. I sat there dumbfounded as I stared at the diamond ring I bought her for our wedding.
This was really it.
She was going to file for a divorce and there was nothing that I could say to change her mind, as long as Bianca was still pregnant then Jessica didn’t want anything to do with me. Bianca was having my child so I guess this was the end of me and Jessica.
Shit maybe I need to be single because these two females have me stressing myself out.
After sitting upstairs in solitude for a few more minutes, I decided to head downstairs and see what was going on. Jessica was gone and so was Casey, Bianca and mama were on the patio talking and laughing. I heaved a sigh of relief, glad that mama seemed to like her seeing as how she was going to really be around now.
“How’d it go?” Mama asked, as soon as I stepped foot on the patio and I shrugged my shoulders.
“She’s moving out and we’re still getting divorced.” I mumbled, taking a seat in between the two of them.
“It isn’t because of me is it?” Bianca asked. “I can tell her that there’s nothing going on between us—”
“Nah,” I said. “You’re part of the reason but it’s much deeper than that so don’t even worry about it.”
“So who is Casey going to live with?” Mama asked.
I shrugged, “We didn’t even discuss that, she’ll probably want Casey to live with her and that’s fine with me as long as she never denies me the right to see her because then I’d take her ass to court.” I stated seriously. “But what have yall been down here discussing?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Nothing.” They both responded at the same time which made them both giggle.
“Women,” I mumbled, shaking my head slowly.
We stayed at mama’s house for another hour before I decided to take Bianca home. The entire way to her house we discussed how much she liked mama and how silly she felt for being nervous about meeting her. She said mama did ask her a few questions about the status of our relationship and how she felt sleeping with a married man but Bianca said she held her own and told mama the truth about how she felt bad for what she did but something beautiful came out of it.
“Do I gotta carry you upstairs?” I joked, as we pulled up to her apartment.
“Ha ha very funny, but I think I can manage.” She smirked, opening the door to exit the car. “Thank you for today, it wasn’t that bad of a birthday after all.”
“Do you need anything before I go?” I asked.
“Nope, but if I do I won’t hesitate to call no matter what time it is.” She smiled as she closed the door.
“I meant that.”
“Goodnight Chris,” She chuckled before walking off towards the entrance to the apartment building.
I watched her go inside before pulling off, as I drove down the streets of Chicago I contemplated my next move. Ultimately I just decided to go home, and enjoy what might be my last night of having both Jessica and Casey at home.
My mind was racing like crazy, I had to blast the music at ignorant levels in an attempt to shut off my thoughts so that I could focus on the road and not kill myself. I drove around aimlessly as I contemplated my next move, I needed to go to two places but was unsure of where to go first. I was still heated from my argument with Jessica and I didn’t even bother to text her back.
I can’t say that I’m surprised about her wanting a divorce because sooner or later I would’ve wanted the same thing. I cheated throughout our entire marriage and now that the tables have turned, I don’t know how to handle it. I couldn’t stand the thought of Jessica cheating on me, opening her legs for another nigga turned me all the way off to the point where the value of her pussy decreased in my eyes. The fact that it was with her ex boyfriend — a nigga she probably still has feelings for, made it even worse.
This was the guy that took her virginity so I know she still feels some type of way about him especially since she said their relationship didn’t end on bad terms so she never had any ill feelings towards dude. I understand that it’s my fault for pushing her towards him with my own cheating but what type of bullshit excuse is it to say that she had sex with him God knows how many times just because she felt lonely? I’d rather she just told me that she did it just to do it because it seems as though she’s blaming me for her cheating instead of taking responsibility for her actions.
That’s the difference between Jessica and I, I never blamed her for my reasons of stepping outside our marriage because it honestly wasn’t her fault. I never cheated because I wasn’t satisfied at home, I did it for the simple fact that I could and I love pussy. Cheating allowed me the luxury of having my cake and being able to eat it too, was that selfish of me? Of course. But when she found out about Veronica, I didn’t try to place the blame on her saying that she needed to step her pussy game up or anything because that wasn’t the case and even if she did feel lonely that’s no excuse for what she did.
Does loneliness justify her having unprotected sex with that nigga? And the fact that she didn’t know who’s baby it was is proof that she was fucking us both raw around the same damn time.
In hindsight, it might have been hypocritical of me to get mad at Jessica for having unprotected sex with him since I did the same with Bianca twice and I actually did get her pregnant but that didn’t stop the feeling.
Was it also wrong of me to get mad at her for the miscarriage Bianca had?Probably so. But I was so heated at the time that I didn’t care, in the moment all I knew was that two babies died at the hands of Jessica, one that may or may not have been mine and one that was definitely mine. The only thing I want in this world is another child, preferably a son, and I had that chance but it was taken from me. I don’t even care that the baby was Bianca’s and not Jessica’s because it was still my child and I would’ve been in his or her’s life no matter what.
After driving around aimlessly for about an hour, I ended up outside of my parent’s house. Heaving a deep sigh, I removed my keys from the ignition and slowly exited the car.
I had a key to their house so I didn’t bother with knocking, I just let myself inside. Upon entering the house, I saw Casey standing in front of the TV in the living room attempting to sing along to some nursery rhymes.
“Fat mama!” Immediately she stopped what she was doing and turned to face me with the biggest grin on her adorable little face.
“Dada!” She screamed, pacing over towards me I kneeled down to her level and scooped her up in my arms.
Immediately I planted little kisses all over her face which made her erupt in a fit of giggles. “I missed you pretty girl.” She grabbed my face and planted a kiss on my lips before trying to get out of my arms to return back to her nursery rhymes.
I ventured into the kitchen to find my mama making some Chicken Alfredo, her back was towards me so I thought I’d surprise her.
“I’ve been waiting on you to get here.” She said before I could get to her, she didn’t even turn around from the stove. “I heard you in there with Casey.”
“Oh,” I chuckled.
After she stirred the Alfredo sauce in, she turned the heat to low and covered it before turning around to face me. “So, what’s going on?” She had a concerned look on her face.
Although I wanted to tell my mama about what happened, I remained silent for some reason. Me telling her what happened meant that I needed to prepare myself for her judgement and lectures which I really don’t want to hear but I would like a woman’s standpoint on my current piece of shit situation. And who better than my mama?
“Chris baby, I can see it in your eyes that something’s not right.”
I always hated how she had the ability to read me like an open book no matter how much I tried to remain closed off. Heaving a deep sigh, I took a seat down at the kitchen table and put my head in my hands.
“Jessica and I are getting divorced.” I mumbled into my hands, almost certain that she handn’t heard me. The sound of a chair gliding backwards over the kitchen floor pervaded my ears, I glanced up to see my mother sitting directly across from me.
“I know you didn’t just say what I think you did.” Her eyebrows were furrowed as she looked to me for confirmation of my statement.
“Yeah, I did.” I released a deep breath. “Excuse my language mama, but shit is not working out. I can’t be with her anymore.”
“And why is that Christopher?” She asked.
I couldn’t sit here and act like everything is Jessica’s fault because I know it isn’t so it wouldn’t be fair of me to act like it is. We both did fucked up shit to each other without considering how the other person might feel.
“Again?” Her voice elevated to a much higher tone as she turned her lips up in disgust at me.
Here comes the judgement.
“I can’t believe you Christopher!” Closing her eyes for a brief moment, she brought her hands up to rub her temples in small circles as if I was stressing her out. “You continuously cheat on that woman with these whores that aren’t worth losing the good woman that you have a home, Jessica shouldn’t have to keep putting up with your infidelity!”
“Yeah, and I shouldn’t have to put up with hers either.” There was an underlying bitterness in my tone and rightfully so, because I still couldn’t grasp the concept of her actually cheating on me.
“What?” She asked incredulously.
I explained to her what I found out about Jessica, and that she admitted that it’s been going on since January. I also told her about Bianca but neglected to mention the fight that went on between the two of them and the fact that Bianca could’ve been giving birth to my second child.
“Wow…” She mumbled shaking her head slowly from left to right, a sigh escaped her slightly parted lips. “So let me get this straight…after you got caught cheating, Jessica went out and had an affair?” I wasn’t at all surprised by the skeptical tone she opted for while asking that question because she — as well as me, couldn’t believe that Jessica actually did it.
“Yup.” I put extra emphasis on the ‘p’ sound. “And it was ongoing, it wasn’t just a one time thing.”
“Can you blame her though, Christopher?”
“Don’t you ‘ma’ me.” She cut me off. “Did you forget how that girl found out about your infidelity?”
Feeling like a little kid again getting scolded for eating ice cream before dinner, I slowly shook my head refusing to make eye contact with her.
“Now, in no way am I saying that what she did was okay but you need to try and see things from a woman’s perspective.”
I stayed silent, waiting for her to help me see things from a ‘woman’s perspective’ because right now it all just sounds like excuses to me.
“She had to watch her husband have sex with a woman that wasn’t herself, can you imagine watching a sex tape featuring Jessica and missing you?”
Slowly, I shook my head ‘no’ once more.
“She was hurt, her emotions were probably all over the place, and she was vulnerable. Her ex was someone that she could trust so she most likely confided in him and somewhere in the midst of her emotions being all over the place, she gave herself to him.”
“It was an ongoing thing though, not a fucking one night stand!” I didn’t purposely raise my voice at mama because she wasn’t the one who I should be mad at but this topic brought that side out of me.
“First of all, watch your mouth.” She said sternly. “Second of all, I understand that but I’m trying to get you to understand her thought process when she began the affair. Both of yall are wrong for stepping out of your marriage in the first place, but when you think about it everything started with you and that sex tape.”
“All she said was that it started in January, how am I supposed to know for sure that she ain’t have sex with him before she even knew about the sex tape? She was sneaking around with that nigga when she was still pregnant!” My insides were heating up as I was getting angry all over again. Thoughts of Jessica fucking him while she was pregnant with Casey swarmed my mind, because honestly I didn’t put shit past her anymore.
“Are you serious?” She asked, clearly bewildered by what I’d just revealed to her. I hated the fact that I was tainting the image she had of Jessica in her mind but that’s how I felt when I found out too.
“Yup, so who knows if she wasn’t cheating on me then? And obviously she had feelings for him since she let him hit it raw.” The salt was so evident right now, knowing the fact that another nigga fucked my wife without a damn condom on. That shit bothered me to no fucking end. “She got pregnant and didn’t know who’s baby it was ma…” My voice cracked slightly as tears welled up in my eyes, the realization finally set in. I sniffled roughly, and used my wrist to wipe the stream of tears that flowed freely down my face.
Ascending from her seat, she walked over and engulfed me in a hug to console me as the tears I had been suppressing finally emerged and showed no sign of stopping anytime soon.
I was hurt.
Mama rubbed my back in small circles just like she did when I was a young boy scared of the dark and afraid that the boogeyman was out to get me.
After about five minutes, my tears had stopped flowing and mama had returned to her seat across from me. An eerie silence took over the room as I tried to regain my composure, mama just waited and watched until we could continue the conversation.
Once I was through sniffling, she spoke again. “How you’re feeling right now is the exact same way she felt. You aren’t the only person with feelings Christopher, and I don’t think you realized that until now.”
“You’ve been selfish,” She said, cutting me off. “You’ve only been thinking about you and your needs but forgot about the needs of your wife and daughter.”
“You’ve both done wrong and you both need to think about the consequences of what you’ve been doing and what you’re about to do. Because your decisions not only affect each other, but they affect that innocent little girl in there.” She pointed towards the living room where Casey could still be heard singing along to her nursery rhymes.
I opened my mouth to speak but shut it once her hand went up to notify me that she wasn’t done speaking just yet. “And you went off and formed another affair, correct?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled lowly, for the second time in two days a woman was making me feel smaller than I had ever felt before.
“Now, I want you to explain to me the ins and outs of this affair. Start off by telling me her name and where you met her.” She adjusted herself in her seat, propping her elbow up on the table si she could rest her head on her hand. She stared at me, awaiting my explanation.
“Bianca,” I said. “Her name is Bianca, and I met her at The Factory about two years ago.”
Mama frowned her face up in disgust and I already knew the reason. “A strip club Christopher? Please don’t tell me she’s a stripper, please tell me you have more standards than that!”
“Yes, she was a stripper.” I put emphasis on the word ‘was’ because she wasn’t that girl anymore. And even when she was a stripper, she was never the stereotypical stripper. She had goals and ambitions that she eventually fulfilled and now she’s living her dream, I’m definitely proud of her.
With a roll of her brown irises, she shook her head once more in disgust.
“Before you get to profiling her, she ain’t a hoe or whatever else you got to say about her.” Once again I found myself feeling the need to protect Bianca from the judgmental words of one of my parents. They didn’t know her so they had no right to categorize her.
“Chris, do you know what girls like that want from you?” She opted for a softer tone. “Those girls look at you and they see dollar signs, why do you think they’re willing to sleep with a married man? They’re trying to slip you up.”
It was my turn to shake my head fervently, “She ain’t like that.” I spoke through slightly gritted teeth. “Our relationship wasn’t based on what she could get out me. Nah, it was much deeper than that.”
“Sweetie, what relationship? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re only married to one woman right?”
Not for long, is what I wanted to say. But instead I opted for, “Yeah.”
“You have feelings for this girl don’t you?”
My immediate answer was going to be ‘no’ but before I uttered the word, I decided to think about it before answering. Do I have feelings for Bianca? I know that when we were involved with each other I was feeling her way more than I should’ve been, but did I still have those same feelings for her?
“Nah, not anymore.” I mumbled, a bit unsure of myself.
A smirk rested upon my mother’s lips, “Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself more than me.”
“Whatever,” I said, dismissing her statement. “I mean, the relationship — and I say relationship because that’s honestly what it was, that I had with her was different than all of the rest.”
“How so?” She inquired.
“It wasn’t all about sex for one.” I stated. “We took the time to get to know one another, we established a friendship before anything, she was there for me when Jessica decided that we needed a break, and we always had fun together.”
“Interesting…” She said, trailing off basically encouraging me to continue.
“I took her out of town a couple of times…” I mumbled lowly.
“You did what?!” She asked incredulously.
“Once when I first met her, I took her to Miami with me on a business trip so we could get to know each other. And the second time was when I took that vacation to Mexico after Shannon’s wedding.”
“Oh my God, you took her with you?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “I let her meet Casey…”
Her eyes and mouth opened wide simultaneously. “And that’s not all…”
She folded her arms across her chest but stayed silent as she waited for me to continue.
“I got her preg—”
“Pregnant?!” She asked, cutting me off before I could finish. “Wait a minute, so you got this girl pregnant and Jessica possibly got pregnant by another man?” She asked rhetorically, but still I nodded my head. “You kids need Jesus, I swear.”
Although this wasn’t a laughing matter, I couldn’t fight the chuckles that escaped my lips. “Messed up situation right?”
“Is she keeping it?” She inquired, completely dismissing my question. But unbeknownst to her, the question that she just asked me put me right back in the funk I wanted so desperately to get out of.
“I wish we had the luxury of deciding,” I mumbled harshly, looking up I saw that mama had a confused look on her face as she should. “She had a miscarriage and you’ll never guess how.” I chuckled bitterly. “Jessica found out about the affair — don’t ask how, but she went up to Bianca’s job and they got into a fight.” I decided to leave out Veronica’s hand in this because mama would’ve had something to say about it. “She killed my baby ma, maybe two of them but I don’t know.”
“Did she know she was pregnant?”
“I don’t think so, shit I didn’t even know.” I whispered, shaking my head slightly. “Can you imagine finding out that what you wanted most was going to happen but it was taken from you before it could?”
“I just want another child ma…” A large lump formed in the back of my throat as I fought to suppress the tears that were desperately trying to resurface. “I mean, I know I can still have one but the thought of me already having made one and he or she didn’t get the chance to survive hurts.” I sniffled roughly and wiped my eyes.
“So you wanted to have a baby with Bianca?”
“If you’re asking if we planned it then the answer is no. But we did have unprotected sex once and that was the result.”
“You know I don’t believe in killing babies but maybe it was a blessing in disguise.”
“Hear me out,” She cut me off before I could say anything else. “If she would’ve had your child then think about the strain that would’ve put on your marriage.”
“I don’t care.” I said with a shrug of my shoulders. “I would’ve wanted the baby regardless of the repercussions.”
“You know,” She said, pausing briefly. “I think you have more feelings for this girl than you’re letting on.”
Furrowing my brows, I looked at her weirdly trying to see where she was going with this. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re in love with this girl.” She said plainly, staring at me with a knowing smirk on her face.
Quickly, I shook my head denying the claims that she just made. “Nah, I told you I felt something for her but I ain’t in love with her.”
“Just hear me out for a second.” She said in a suggestive manner and I nodded urging her to continue with her theory. “You were willing to throw away your entire marriage for this girl Chris and I’m not just talking about the baby situation.”
“Then by all means, elaborate because I’m not following you.”
“You said it yourself that this was unlike any of your other affairs, you romanced her, got to know her on a personal level outside of the bedroom, formed a friendship with her, introduced her to your daughter, and did things with her that were supposed to be strictly for your wife.”
I could just imagine what she would say if she knew that I left Jessica alone one night after our reconciliation to tend to Bianca but I decided against telling her.
“I still don’t see how it’s love though,” I mumbled.
Chuckling softly, “You’re in denial right now Chris but that girl has got your nose wide open and you don’t even know it.”
That statement struck a nerve with me because it’s not the first time I heard it, my dad said it to me a couple of months ago; I didn’t believe it then and I don’t believe it now.
“Whatever,” I said, dismissing her statement with a wave of my hand. “I still have clothes in my old room right?” I asked, changing the subject because it was then that I realized I hadn’t showered since yesterday morning. Straight from work I went to Bianca’s house then to a hotel and this morning before I could do anything I was picking Jessica up from a jail cell.
“Because I need to shower and change my clothes so I can go see Bianca at the hospital.”
“Wide open.” She reiterated lowly,and although I’d heard her I decided to let the statement go unanswered.
Worst birthday ever.
I’ve been in this hospital bed for about three hours as they ran different tests on me, injected me with various needles, and they constantly monitored me because I wasn’t allowed to leave. Ironically, I didn’t want tol eave because that meant that I would have to walk and I was experiencing way too much pain for that. The cramps hadn’t stopped and the blood finally did about an hour ago. For some reason they had yet to remove the fetus from my body and it was honestly annoying the hell out of me just knowing that it was still there.
I had shut myself down from everybody else, I hadn’t uttered a word since I spoke with the police upon arriving here. They kept asking me if I wanted to press charges because Jessica could go to jail for involuntary manslaughter even though she didn’t know that I was pregnant. I told them I’d think about it so they said they’d be back later on today and I’d been silent since then. I had nothing to say to anybody because they couldn’t change the events of today and that’s all I wanted to do. If I could go back in time I would’ve never given that bitch the satisfaction of dignifying her with a response. It was because of her that I lost my baby.
The doctors hadn’t come out and said that she was the cause yet but I knew it was that kick to the right side of my stomach that killed my baby. It must’ve been resting over there when that unfortunate event took place and I really wish it hadn’t been.
I couldn’t blame Jessica completely for the loss of my baby because she didn’t know and she acted how any normal female would act when they find out that their man is cheating. The thing is, Chris and I have been over for months and besides yesterday when he popped up at my house, we have not been in contact with each other.
“You okay B?” I looked up to see Alexis staring down at me, she and Nancy had been trying to get me to talk since we got here but I had no desire to talk.
I simply shrugged my shoulders and looked away like I had done each time they asked me something. I was emotionally and physically drained, neither of them could understand the way I was feeling. As crazy as it may sound, the physical pain was much more bearable than the emotional emptiness that I felt.
I was unknowingly sharing my body with someone else and before I could take the time and enjoy it, the moment was snatched from me.
Karma is a bitch right?
I guess that’s what I get for falling in love with a married man, we were doomed from the fucking start and I knew it but I chose to play with fire so this is me getting burned.
“Ms. Alvarez,” My ears perked up at the sound of Nurse Johnson’s voice. “Dr. Smith would like to perform an ultrasound on you, if that’s okay?”
“Why?” I croaked, my voice was scratchy from being pretty much nonexistent for the past three hours.
“He wants to perform an ultrasound before he proceeds with removing the baby, it’s protocol I’m sure you understand?” She said in a questioning manner.
“Hey, what’ve I got to lose?” I mumbled, chuckling bitterly. “He can do whatever he wants as long as I don’t have to stay the night here.”
She nodded, “One more thing, you have another visitor but in order for me to let him in one of them has to go in the waiting room.”
“Him?” I asked skeptically.
“Christopher Brown ma’am.”
How the fuck?
Cutting my eyes, I darted them over in Alexis’ direction to see her playing with her fingers trying to avoid eye contact with me.
“Lex, tell me you didn’t?” I asked, although I was sure I already knew the answer.
“I did.” She mumbled lowly. “He had a right to know B.”
“For what? It’s not like he could do anything about it, our baby is already dead so calling him was pointless.”
“Just talk to him Bianca.” She demanded, grabbing Nancy’s arm as they walked towards the door. “You can let him in Nurse Johnson, we’re both going to the waiting room.”
“Okay,” She said awkwardly, exiting the room before them.
Heaving a deep sigh, I adjusted myself on the hospital bed as I awaited the visit from Chris. About two minutes later, Chris came walking inside carrying a dozen pink roses in one hand and two cards in the other. He put the flowers in the corner before coming to sit in the chair next to my bed.
“Happy birthday B,” He mumbled, passing me the two cards. “How you feeling?”
“Thanks, and I’m fine,” I muttered dryly. Opening the cards I saw that one of them was a happy birthday card while the other was a get well soon card. “Why are you here?” I wasn’t trying to be phony just because of the predicament that I’m in didn’t mean that things were going to change between Chris and I.
“I wanted to see how you were doing —”
“Well I’m fine,” I cut him off.
Releasing an exasperated sigh, “Do you have to be so fucking difficult? I know we aren’t on the best of terms right now but can you just drop the bitch act because it’s really getting old.”
As much as I wanted to curse him out no words escaped my mouth, I was rendered speechless by his little scolding. And I had to admit, even in sweatpants and a t shirt Chris was still sexy as ever.
“Stop eye raping me, Alvarez.” Chris said, grinning like the goofball he was.
“Shut up Brown,” I mumbled.
And just like that it felt like old times where we would just laugh for no reason like the idiots we were. A nostalgic feeling washed over me which put a damper on my mood and caused my laughing to cease.
“So how are you really feeling?” He asked.
“Eh,” I shrugged my shoulders lazily. “I definitely could be better, the on and off cramping is a bitch but I’m not bleeding anymore so that’s a plus.”
“Is the baby still…” He pointed to my stomach, I nodded before he could finish his question. “Can I?”
“Sure,” I whispered, feeling tears form in my eyes just when I thought I was all cried out.
His large hand lightly grazed my belly, and I could no longer fight back the tears that began flowing down my face.
“Our baby.” He whispered, more to himself than to me.
A comfortable silence overtook the room as Chris wrapped his arms around my body and rested his head on my stomach. At first I tensed up at his actions but eventually I just let it be because this was his child too.
“I’m sorry Bianca.” He muttered lowly, after about five minutes of silence.
“Everything,” He whispered. “This is all my fucking fault. I—”
“No it’s not.” I cut him off. “It was both of our actions that got us in this predicament, not just you.”
“Stop blaming yourself, we’re both adults and we knew the consequences of our actions. We both knew what having unprotected sex could lead to and we knew what our affair could lead to, please don’t blame yourself.”
Nodding, “Did you know you were pregnant? Were you going to keep it from me? Were you going to get an abortion without telling me?”
I was a bit taken back by the slew of questions that he just asked me but they were reasonable questions I guess. “No, I didn’t know that I was pregnant and if I had known I wouldn’t have kept it from you.”
Before he could respond, Dr. Smith walked inside the room and Chris lifted off my stomach and adjusted himself in his chair. Dr. Smith was looking at his clipboard, probably not aware of Chris’ presence in the room.
“Okay, Ms. Alvarez the ultrasound is okay with you right?” He asked looking up from his clipboard, I nodded as soon as we made eye contact. Noticing another being was in the room, he shifted his gaze over to Chris. “Hello, Mr. Brown I’m Dr. Smith.” He extended his arm out for Chris to shake.
Standing up, Chris took his hand and they briefly shook hands before Chris sat back down.
“So do you want to do this with Mr. Brown in the room?”
Slowly I turned my head to Chris, “Do you want to stay?” I asked softly.
Nodding I turned my head back to Dr. Smith, “It’s fine, he’s the father.”
He looked taken aback by my confession but I paid minimal attention to it because it didn’t really matter anymore the baby is dead.
He instructed me prop my legs up and insert them inside these loops so that they were wide open, giving him a clear view of my most private parts. He warned me that the blue gel was going to be cold and boy was it ever.
Chris held my hand as the doctor began moving the device along my belly, and an image showed up on the screen on the left side of the room.
“Okay…” His movements ceased. “I’d say you were about 11 or 12 weeks, so the end of the first trimester which is generally when most miscarriages happen.”
He paused to jot some things down on his clipboard before moving the device across my belly for a second time.
“Wait,” He stopped and walked over to the screen, I wish I knew how to view those things but I was lost. This was my first time seeing an ultrasound in person and whenever people showed me their printed pictures I could never identify the baby.
“What’s wrong doc?” Chris asked skeptically, grasping my hand a little tighter.
“Of course…” Dr. Smith whispered to himself before turning around to face us, nervously he rubbed his forehead.
“Are you guys familiar with the term, Vanishing Twin Syndrome?”
“Bianca had a miscarriage!”
Looking over at Jessica who was staring out the window, I turned the volume on my phone down. “Wait, what?” I asked, pulling up to the now red light forcing me to stop.
Alexis was doing a lot of incoherent babbling that was annoying the hell out of me.
“Alexis!” I yelled, getting her attention just as the light turned green. “Calm down for a second so you can start making sense.”
Taking a few deep breaths, “Bianca had a miscarriage, I don’t know all of the details yet because I’m on my way to the hospital now.”
“Okay but why are you telling me?” Not that I didn’t feel bad for Bianca for what she was going through but this issue didn’t concern me, she has that nigga Gabe to comfort her over the loss of their baby.
“I’m going to pretend that you didn’t just asked me that dumb ass question because we both know the child she lost was yours.” She spat. “And before you say something else stupid, she is not and has not fucked Gabe they’re just friends. But all of this is beside the point.” She paused and there was little shuffling on her end of the phone before she continued, “I’m only telling you this because as the father I feel like you had the right to know.”
“Uh,” I cleared my throat, glancing over at Jessica who was staring aimlessly outside the window but I knew she was zoned in on my conversation. “Thanks for calling me, hit me up as soon as you find out all the details.”
There was more shuffling on her end before I heard a car door slam and a beep noise signifying that she locked the car. “Okay.”
“I mean it Lex, as soon as you get the rest of the details call me.” I stressed.
“Okay, I’m at the hospital now I’ll call you back.”
“Aight.” I mumbled before hanging up. I refocused all of my attention back on the road trying to make this journey home as short as possible. I sent Mae a quick text asking if she would drop Casey off at my parent’s house because neither of them needed to be around for what I expected to happen once Jessica and I got home. The tension in the car was so thick that it could be cut with a butcher knife, it seemed as though we both had things on our minds but the car was not the place to say them.
My mind kicked into overdrive as I thought about what Alexis just told me.
Bianca was pregnant with my seed.
But she lost it.
It’s so ironic that my wife aborted a child that may or may not have been mine, and now my…Bianca miscarried a child that was supposedly mine.
Is it bad that I was a little relieved to find out that she wasn’t messing with that nigga like that? Probably so, but it didn’t stop the feeling. But now I’m trying to figure out why didn’t she tell me she was pregnant. What if she was planning on doing the same dirty shit Jessica did by getting an abortion without telling me? Bianca probably wasn’t even going to tell me about the damn miscarriage so I gotta make sure to thank Alexis again once she calls back with the rest of the details.
Why are the females in my life so shady all of a sudden?
Finally, I pulled into our neighborhood and entered the gates that separated our houses from the rest of Tinley Park.
“Who was that on the phone?” Jessica asked lowly, just as I pulled in front of our home. Mae’s car wasn’t outside so I’m guessing she either dropped Casey off already or she was on her way to do so. I sent my mama a quick text asking if Casey had gotten there yet and she said yes so that was all the confirmation I needed, I thanked her and promised to come get her in a few hours.
“None of ya damn business.” I muttered, opening the car door with force and slamming it with just as much. Not bothering to wait for her, I trudged towards the house and I heard her kiss her teeth in the distance. I decided to just sit on the couch and wait for her to walk inside so we could get this conversation started.
Jessica finally walked inside and kicked off her shoes before plopping doing on the couch adjacent to the one that I occupied.
“So you wanna tell my why the fuck your face looks like that and why I had to come get you from jail?” I inquired, returning the glare that she was shooting my way.
“I met your mistress today.” She said with a knowing smirk on her face. “Or should I say, I found out that she was your mistress because today definitely wasn’t my first time meeting her.”
I had one of two options right now; I could either lie and pretend that I don’t know what she was talking about, or I could own up to my relationship with Bianca. I decided to go with the latter of the two and just own up to it because honestly this relationship couldn’t get anymore fucked up than it is already. “How’d you find out about her?”
She looked taken back by me choosing not to deny it but she quickly hid it. “Oh, I was just on my way to work when I saw this…” She reached into her purse. “…On my windshield.” Pulling out a yellow folder the matched the one that Veronica had given me a day prior to this.
I want to see you suffer…
Veronica’s words resurfaced into my head just as I automatically assumed that this was all her doing, the creepy bitch followed everybody close to me.
“If I didn’t know you, I’d swear that you guys were married judging your interaction in these pictures.” She tossed the folder my way but I decided against opening it because there wasn’t anything in that folder that I didn’t know already. Jessica was being too calm for my liking and I needed to be cautions of her actions right now. “You promised me.” She whispered, just a lonely tear made it’s way down her cheek. “You promised me!” She reiterated in a higher tone, reaching down I wondered what she was doing and instantly one of her shoes came flying at my head and missed me by an inch. “You fucking promised me Chris!” She screamed just as the other shoe came flying by and grazed my temple.
“Stop fucking throwing shit at me!” I roared, it was taking everything in me not to go put my hands on her for the shit she just pulled but I tried to keep my cool. She’s about to cry about how I was unfaithful when we both know that she was too, but obviously she doesn’t know that I know yet so I’m going to let her get all of her preaching out of the way before I expose her for the hypocrite she is.
Heaving a deep sigh, I ascended from my previous position on the couch and completed the short distance to stand in front of her and I quickly gripped both of her wrists firmly enough so she wouldn’t be able to free herself. Lowering my head to level with hers, “If we’re going to discuss this like adults, you need to stop throwing shit at me because I promise you the next time you throw some shit at me I’m not gonna be so calm.” I muttered releasing her wrists, I opted to sit back on the couch I was on previously.
“I can’t believe you did this shit to me again Chris.” She murmured, bringing her knees up to her chest as tears continuously spilled down her face. “I asked you if you knew the bitch and what did you tell me?” She queried, looking at me with questioning eyes signifying that she actually wanted me to answer that question.
“No.” I sighed, “I told you no.”
“You continuously lie to me and I always seem to find out the truth. You cheat on me for what?” She paused to wipe her tears but it did nothing to help the cause because they kept cascading down her face. “Why did you ask me to marry you if you weren’t going to change Chris? Why not spare me the constant heartbreak?”
Glancing down at my dress pants I picked at some imaginary lint refusing to meet her eyes.
“You don’t know how this feels,” She said, barely above a whisper. “You don’t know how it feels to be cheated on because I’d never do that to—”
My hearty chuckles ceased the lie that was about to spew off her lips. “Bitch stop lying.” I grumbled, my words laced with venom. I was growing tired of her innocent plea when the bitch knew she was just as guilty as I was.
“E-Excuse me?” Her voice was shaky from the bullshit crying that she was just doing. “Where do you get off calling me a liar and a bitch? Are you mad that your sorry ass got caught?” She voiced.
I allowed another set of chuckles to spew off my lips before I regained seriousness. Pushing off the couch I leaned forward, resting my forearms on my thighs and stared at her intensely. “You really gon’ sit up here and try preach to me about my wrong doings like you’re some fucking saint?” She stayed silent and began to play with her fingers, avoiding eye contact with me.
Just as I expected.
“You know,” I continued. “I used to feel bad about cheating on you, until I realized that you ain’t shit either.” She continued playing with her fingers trying her very hardest to avoid making eye contact, I knew I was getting to her.
“W-what are you talking about Chris?” She asked quietly.
Growing irritated with her, I heaved a deep sigh before I decided to take a different approach. “Just tell me everything that happened with you and that nigga Gabe.” My jaw clenched at the fact that I had to even utter that nigga’s name.
“N-nothing.” For the third time in this conversation, she was stuttering which was a sign of a liar — a weak one, but a liar nonetheless. “Nothing besides what I already told y—”
“The truth Jessica.” I cut her off. “If you want this conversation — or this marriage, to go any further then I want the fucking truth.”
An eerie silence pervaded the large space as I kept my focus on Jessica and she kept hers on anything but me.
She was nervous.
Now she knew that I know she’s not the innocent wife she constantly portrayed herself to be.
“The truth?” She questioned, in a low whisper as she finally lifted her puffy eyes to meet my stare.
Nodding, “Yeah, everything from kissing to the abortion you got in October.” Obviously caught by surprise, Jessica’s eyes and mouth flew wide open simultaneously. I leaned back against the couch awaiting her next statement to see if she had the balls to tell me the truth or if she was going to lie to my face again.
“H-how did you k-know about t-that?” The stuttering was at an ultimate high, her nerves were getting the best of her and I was loving every second of it.
“It doesn’t fucking matter how I know.” I said calmly, I didn’t want to lose my patience with her until I heard her say what I already knew. “Now start fucking talking.”
I noticed her bottom lip tremble as she continued to twiddle her fingers, the tears that had stopped momentarily began to pour out again as she mumbled something inaudible.
“Speak up.” I gritted.
“I-I had an affair.” She mumbled, through her tears. Her voice was still shaky and normally that would’ve had some type of effect on me but I really could care less at the moment.
“No shit.” A bitter chuckle left my slightly parted lips. “You fucked him didn’t you?”
I was waiting for another lie to come out of her mouth but it never came because shortly after my question, she began to nod her head slowly. “Yes.” She whispered softly.
Closing my eyes tightly I ran both hands over my face, although I already knew about them it still hurt to hear it come from the horse’s mouth because that meant that it was really real and it wasn’t some fucked up lie that Veronica just made up.
It was real.
Jessica did the unthinkable and fucked another man, I gotta give it to her though ‘cause she really had me fooled.
“How many times?” I asked.
“You want the truth?” I removed my hands from my eyes and looked at her again.
“No, lie to me again.” I said sarcastically, causing her to kiss her teeth in response.
“You don’t have to be such an asshole Chris, I’m not the only one that fucking cheated. Or did you forget?” She spat harshly.
“Nah, I ain’t forget,” I said slowly. “But I wasn’t the one acting all innocent like my shit doesn’t stink.” I retorted.
“Whatever,” She mumbled. “The truth is, I don’t know how many times it happened.” She lowered her head in shame, ignoring the evil glare I was currently giving her.
“Damn, it’s like that huh?” I chuckled bitterly. “So who’s baby was it that you aborted?”
She lifted her head a little, “I-I didn’t know who’s baby it was.” She whispered. “That’s why I aborted it.” She began crying hysterically.
Pissed was a fucking understatement to the way I was feeling right now, my wife was a fucking hoe. That may sound hypocritical coming from me but I don’t give a fuck, she’s supposed to be a lady but she’s out here fucking another nigga raw? Then the bitch had the audacity to say she doesn’t know how many times she fucked him so this was an ongoing thing.
Shit she was probably still fucking that nigga for all I know.
“So you killed a baby because your hoe ass couldn’t keep ya fucking legs closed?” I spat angrily. The bitch didn’t deserve my respect anymore because she was dirty as fuck, I would never look at her the same anymore.
She disgusted me.
A sting on my cheeks broke me from my thoughts, and the realization that I had just been slapped set in.
“Don’t you ever disrespect me like that in your fucking life Christopher!” Jessica was now standing in front of me, mascara and tears stained her cheeks, and her eyes were bloodshot red. “How dare you try to fucking look down on me when you were shacking up with the next bitch? And you had the fucking nerve to have that bitch around my daughter? Fuck you Chris!” She slapped me again.
“You got one more time to put ya fucking hands—” My statement was cut short because she slapped me again. Without thinking, I jumped up from the couch and before I knew it my hand was wrapped tightly around her neck. “Have you lost your fucking mind bitch?” I spat, shaking her a little as she dangled from my arm.
“Chris, I can’t…” She coughed. If I was trying to go to jail tonight I would’ve kept choking her ass until she passed out but since that wasn’t on my agenda, I let her go allowing her body to roughly drop to the floor. She went into a coughing frenzy while gasping for air as I tried to calm down because I really didn’t need to be putting my hands on her.
“Don’t put your hands on me again Jessica.” I spoke through my gritted teeth. “Mad ‘cause I’m telling the truth, what type of shit is that?” I chuckled, shaking my head a little as I watched her resume her previous position on the couch with her hand rubbing her neck. A new set of tears welled up in her eyes but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
“How long was that shit going on?” I asked. “And you better not fucking lie either.”
“Fuck you Chris,” She mumbled. “You weren’t showing me any attention, I felt unwanted.” She uttered, bringing her knees into her chest. “Gabe made me feel wanted by giving me the attention that I craved from my husband. He stepped up when you wouldn’t.”
“So you had sex with that nigga because you was feeling a little lonely? Spare me ya bullshit ‘cause you was sneaking around with that nigga when you was still pregnant with Casey.” I spat, before something clicked in my head. “Yo, was you fucking him when you was pregnant with my fucking child?”
“No!” She yelled. “I’m not trifling.”
“Could’ve fucking fooled me,” I chortled. “If she didn’t look just like me, I’d ask you if she was mine.” I said harshly, it was a low blow but at the moment she deserved every bit of it.
“Fucking asshole,” She muttered.
“Why’d we get married Chris?” She asked, after a brief moment of silence. “We clearly weren’t ready.”
“Shit, I don’t know. We were young and in lo—”
An icy chuckled escaped her lips, “Oh please spare me that shit Chris, you were never in love with me.”
“Man, fuck outta here with all that stupid shit Jess.” I wouldn’t have married her ass if I wasn’t in love with her. A nigga that was never in a relationship before her, ended up proposing and getting married. I always believed that a nigga like me wasn’t cut out for marriage, then I met her and look where we are now.
“You were in love with the idea of having me to yourself.” She said, matter-of-factly. “You wanted to snatch me up so nobody else could have me, meanwhile you were still giving yourself to any and everybody.”
“You knew what type of nigga I was from jump, it ain’t like I tricked you.” I stated bluntly.
“Do you know what marriage means Chris?” She asked in a whisper. “In America, you’re committed to one person only. Not in a relationship with one person and fucking the rest of the world. But I guess I can’t be that mad anymore seeing as how I’ve been fucking Gabe since last January.” She chuckled and shrugged her shoulders.
“I see you’re trying to make me mad again but honestly I don’t give a fuck anymore. Why should I get myself worked up when you was stupid enough to let him in ya box just because you felt lonely?” I retorted.
The marimba ringtone sounded from my pocket, retrieved my iPhone and saw the number I had been anticipating since we got home.
Swiping my finger across the screen, I glared at Jessica once more before answering. “Yo Lex, you found out anything yet?” I asked anxiously.
“Chris, I’m telling you this out of respect for you because you’re my nigga.” She paused, “Your wife is fucking dead as soon as I get my hands on her.” She gritted harshly.
“Man, what happened?” I asked, growing irritated as well as confused.
She got into this detailed story about how Jessica came up to Bianca’s boutique with the folder she showed me earlier, some nasty words were exchanged, and a fight broke out between the two. Apparently Jessica kicked Bianca in the stomach and that’s what they think caused the miscarriage but the doctor hasn’t confirmed it yet.
“What hospital is she at?” I asked, noticing Jessica’s ears perk up but that was irrelevant to me at the moment.
“University of Chicago hospital.” She muttered. “But I don’t think you coming up here will be good for her right now. There are still other things going on—”
“Fuck all that Lex, this affects me just as much as her. I’m coming up there.” I declared before hanging up.
“You’re a real fucked up individual, you know that?” I asked, glaring at Jessica. It was honestly taking everything in me not to reach over and put my hands on her for making Bianca lose my baby but I had to keep in mind that I did not need to go to jail.
But I was fucking livid.
This bitch killed a baby that may or may not have been mine and one that was definitely mine and it bothered the fuck out of me.
“Did you fucking know that she was pregnant?” I inquired, once she didn’t answer my first question.
“Who Chris?” She huffed in annoyance.
“Bianca.” I stated. “Did you fucking know that she was pregnant when you went up to her fucking job to fight her?”
“Oh so you got the bitch pregnant? That’s nice.” She shrugged nonchalantly.
It was taking everything in me to remain calm and level headed but she was pushing every possible button right now.
“Yeah, she was pregnant with my seed. And she knew that for a fact you know, unlike some people.”
“That was a low fucking blow.” She gritted.
“I don’t give a fuck,” I shrugged. “Because of you my baby mama had a fucking miscarriage!” I yelled, no longer able to contain my anger.
“Are you fucking serious right now Chris?” Jessica yelled getting out of her seat, she walked over to me and got in my face. “Are you really pissed at me for the untimely death of your illegitimate baby?”
I was breathing harshly through my nostrils, my chest rising and falling quickly. Livid was a fucking understatement for the way I was feeling now, I really wanted to kill her.
“Did you purposely get the bitch pregnant because I didn’t want to have anymore kids right now Chris? Seriously get the fuck over it already! You act like we couldn’t have another baby down the line.” She screamed.
“Nah, we couldn’t.” I stated simply. “Because you went and got ya fucking tubes tied three weeks after your abortion, which is the same day you got on birth control not a month after Casey was born which is what you told me. ‘Cause if you would’ve got the shit a month after Casey was born then ya hoe ass probably wouldn’t have had to get an abortion because you didn’t know who the fucking father was.” I spat harshly.
I’ve never been so disgusted with Jessica in my life, and I never thought I would be. “You disgust me.” I spoke, voicing my thoughts.
“The feeling is so fucking mutual.” She retorted. “I’m glad your fucking baby is dead, you don’t deserve—”
She was cut off by my hand being wrapped around her neck once more, this time the grip was tighter because I was more pissed off than before. Jessica was struggling for breath and it satisfied me to see her like that after the heartless shit she just said about my kid. I tossed her body to the ground before I ended up killing her, then I bent down to her level.
"Don’t you ever disrespect my fucking child like that again bitch." I grumbled, as she coughed dramatically gasping for air.
Kissing my teeth, I looked her up and down before rolling my eyes. “Man, I’m out.” I mumbled, walking to the door.
“Where the fuck are you going? This conversation isn’t over Christopher!” She yelled, once she regained her composure I had just reached the door.
“To go pick up my daughter, and check on my baby mama.” I said, with a smirk on my face as I left and slammed the door behind me.
I know we still had shit to discuss but I needed to get out of the house with her because the more I stayed in that room with her, the more I wanted to choke the life out of her. When I was finally in my car, I heaved a deep sigh and allowed a couple of tears to fall at the loss of my unborn that I knew absolutely nothing about. I’m going up to that hospital to check on Bianca and to also find out why she didn’t tell me about the pregnancy but before anything I need to have a long talk with my fucking mama.
Even though she’s going to be pissed, I plan on telling her everything that Jessica and I just talked about from her abortion to Bianca’s miscarriage and everything in between.
As I was pulling out of our neighborhood, my text message alert went off, I picked it up seeing that it was from Jessica.
Wifey: I want a divorce.
Why did I come here?
I had asked myself this question in my head a million times and have yet to come up with an answer. Here I am contemplating my next move as I sit in front of the Waterfront apartments in Hyde Park.
Her apartment to be exact.
I really don’t know why I came here, after I left the office I drove around for a bit trying to clear my head and somehow I ended up here. Lord knows I didn’t want to go home because I was still furious with Jessica and I won’t be liable for my actions when I see her. I guess I just want someone to talk to about the information I’d just found out but of all places why did I come here?
The first time Jessica and I had problems, I was able to come talk to Bianca and she made me feel better but that was when we were just friends. I fucked up my friendship with Bianca by pushing for something more and now we don’t even have that. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to see me right now, she made that pretty clear but apparently my subconscious wants me to talk to her.
If I went upstairs to her house, what could go wrong?
The worst thing she could do is tell me that she doesn’t want to talk to me or something so why not give it a shot?
Releasing an exasperated sigh, I removed my keys from the ignition and exited the Range Rover I had spent more than thirty minutes contemplating in.
Upon entering the building a wave a nerves washed over me as the man at the front desk stared at me on my trek to the elevators. Maybe Bianca told him not to allow me access upstairs anymore.
"Hey Mr. Brown long time no see." He muttered with a soft chuckle.
Flashing a nervous smile, “Yeah, I’ve been busy.” I said and he responded with a simple nod. Once the elevator opened I scurried inside and quickly pressed the ‘Door close’ button and began what felt like the longest elevator ride to the tenth floor.
When I arrived in front of her door, I stood there dumbfounded not sure of what my next move should be. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I scrolled until I found her contact before pressing call.
I’m sorry, the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected…
I guess she was serious about wanting me to forget about her seeing as how she changed her damn number. Hanging up the phone, I put it back in my pocket and raised my fist to the door but neglected to make contact with it.
I really shouldn’t be here.
Dismissing my thoughts, I connected my fist with the door creating a soft knock. It was ten at night so she shouldn’t be sleep but what if she had that nigga over here?
I wasn’t able to ponder on that idea for long because soon her soft voice sounded from the other side of the door.
"Who is it?"
Clearing my throat, “It’s Chris.” I responded nervously.
Her end of the door grew silent and I was beginning to worry that she had walked off.
"What are you doing here?" Her angelic tone turned icy quick once she learned it was me.
"I…" The truth was, I don’t know why I came. Obviously to talk but I couldn’t expect her to care about my problems when I hurt her the way I did. "I just wanna talk to you."
"We’re talking now, what do you want?"
"You ain’t gone open the door?" I asked.
Huffing in annoyance, she cracked the door slightly and put the chain on it so I couldn’t get through. I could barely see her through the crack but I but those olive green eyes were staring directly at me.
"That’s as good as it’s gonna get so I suggest you talk before I close the door." Her words matched her tone, harsh. For some reason, I felt small and no other woman had ever made me feel this way.
"How have you been?" I didn’t know what else to say, it’s clear that I wasn’t welcome here yet I still didn’t want to leave. I hadn’t realized how much I actually missed Bianca until now.
Kissing her teeth, “Chris cut the bullshit, why are you at my door?”
"I…" My voice got caught in my throat, I didn’t know what I wanted with Bianca or why I showed up at her house tonight but here I was standing on the other side of her slightly ajar door with absolutely nothing to say for myself.
Although I could barely see her through the tiny crack in the door I saw the fire in her eyes, the annoyance in her stance, and the hatred that she harbored for me.
"I miss you B." I stated truthfully, gazing down the hall to avoid the intense glare that I knew she was sending my way.
A dark chuckle left her lips, “Oh you miss me huh? What and now I’m just supposed to fall willingly back into your arms and pretend you never hurt me?”
My chest rose and fell with anxiety but I stayed silent, what did she expect me to say? I didn’t have a speech prepared because that wasn’t what I came to her apartment for, I just wanted someone to talk to but seeing her changed everything.
"I never meant to hurt you…" I whispered still gazing down the hallway, too ashamed to tell her to her face how much of an asshole I really am.
"You can save your speech Chris because honestly I don’t give a fuck anymore." The sound of the door shutting forced me to bring my attention forward, she rattled with the chain on the other side before reopening the door. We now stood face to face with no barriers in between us.
She inched closer to me, close enough that I could feel her breath tickling my neck. “Do you know how long I spent crying over you?” This time she took a step backwards so that we could look each other in the eyes. The soft olive green eyes that I had come to love were now void of any emotion.
Slowly I shook my head from left to right indicating that I didn’t know the answer to her question which was true. Alexis told me that she cried over me for a week but in that same week she was already going on dates with that fuck nigga so she couldn’t have been that damn hurt. And seeing as how they were still together on Valentine’s Day, the date must’ve went pretty well.
"Days Chris, I cried over you for days. Even more than that but I kept it to myself because of how pitiful I looked crying over a man who made it extremely clear that he did not give a damn about my feelings." Her voice cracked a little more with each word and each time it took a stab at my heart.
"I told you I ca—"
"Save it, I told you I don’t care anymore." She muttered lowly, bring her right hand up to her head she slowly began to massage her temple as if I was giving her a headache. "Look, why are you here? And don’t give me that I miss you bullshit. Don’t you have a wife that you need to be getting back to instead of worrying about what your ex side bitch is up to?"
“I’m pretty sure your wife wouldn’t appreciate her husband being at his fling’s door right now so I suggest you go home.”
“Fuck her.” I had temporarily forgotten about the issues that I had to deal with whenever I decided to take my ass back home but she just reminded me and I got infuriated all over again. Bianca looked taken aback by my statement but little did she know I meant those words.
“Oh, so that’s what this is about?” Another dark chuckle escaped her lips as she crossed her arms over her chest before continuing, “You’re upset with your wife so you thought you’d come see me to take your mind off of it huh?” She stared at me intensely with a knowing smirk resting on her face.
I opened my mouth to deny her accusations but I couldn’t because technically she was right, if Veronica hadn’t visited my office earlier then I would never have come to her apartment.
“God I should have known! There’s trouble in paradise so Chris thinks he can still come running to Bianca for emotional comfort. Well I have a news flash for you Chris, what we had is over and it has been for quite some time now. I’ve come to terms and accepted it so I suggest you do the same, seeing as how it was your idea in the first place.”
Yet again she cut me off, “Just leave Chris.” She whispered.
Heavy footsteps coming from inside the apartment halted the conversation as Bianca reached behind her and pulled the door up closing it a little.
“You’ve been out here for a while Bianca, are you alright?” Unfortunately I knew that voice and exactly who it belonged to, I hoped that by now they would’ve stopped seeing each other but I guess not. Given everything that I just found out about him and my wife, I think it’d be best if he stays his ass behind that fucking door. I don’t want to disrespect Bianca or her apartment but if I see his face I won’t be liable for my actions.
“Yes, I’ll be back inside in a minute.” She responded and the footsteps began in the other direction back inside the apartment.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now Bianca? You’re still with that nigga?”
“Wait, are you kidding me right now Chris?” She asked incredulously. “Who I’m with is none of your goddamn business. I suggest you go back home and try to repair your shitty marriage, and don’t you ever come back to my apartment ever again.”
And with that she walked inside and made sure to slam the door behind her leaving me a little perplexed and feeling some type of way. I don’t know what I hoped to accomplish by coming to her apartment tonight but all this visit did was further piss me off. I could’ve easily beat that nigga’s ass tonight but before I put my hands on him again, I want to hear my wife confess all her wrong doings and admit she’s not the Virgin Mary and she does have some skeletons in her closet. Even though she had ill intentions I have to remember to thank Veronica one day because she helped me put my entire relationship with Jessica into perspective. We’ve both done wrong, neither of us are better than the other and we’ve both made mistakes that could be fatal to our marriage.
Maybe we’re broken beyond repair.
* * *
After slamming the door on Chris I stood there for a good five minutes trying to recollect myself and regain my composure. His visit was extremely alarming to say the least, I haven’t talked to Chris technically since Christmas because we didn’t really talk on Valentine’s Day we just stared at each other. But the nerve of him to show up at my apartment unannounced all because of whatever little fight him and his wife had.
Slowly I began my trek back inside to the living room where Gabe and I were watching Fired Up before we were rudely interrupted. I took my previous position on the love seat as Gabe remained in his spot on the longer couch staring at the TV and casually sipping from his beer.
“You’re still seeing that nigga ain’t you?” Gabe uttered, not taking his eyes off of the TV in front of him.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no.” I retorted, kicking off my Nike slides and curling up under my blanket on the love seat. I stayed true to my word and never exercised anything more than a friendship with Gabe so why he was questioning me about who I’m seeing was a mystery to me.
“Whatever yo, you’re just a side bitch. He’ll never leave his wife for you, get that through your fucking head.”
“Excuse me?” I asked, rising up from my previous postion on the love seat and shifting all of my attention to Gabe.
“You heard me.” He stated grabbing the remote off the coffee table he put the TV on mute before turning to face me. “Trust me, they have a fucked up marriage but they ain’t letting each other go. He might promise you that he’ll leave her for you but that shit ain’t happening.” He was no longer staring at me but off into space like he was in deep thought, something made me believe that this wasn’t about me and Chris anymore.
“Did she do that to you?” I asked skeptically.
“Huh?” Gabe responded, snapping back into reality.
“Did Jessica promise to leave him for you? Is that why you’re so worried about me and him?”
Nodding his head slowly, “Yes, she promised me that’d she divorce him and that we would be together but out of nowhere she just stops answering my calls and text messages. I was vulnerable and so was she but we had each other and we consoled one another, we made love and she promised me that we would be together but it was all a lie.” He croaked and turned his head towards me, “I’m sorry for what I said earlier but Bianca I don’t want you to be like me, don’t get your hopes up on false promises in the name of ‘love.’ Because you will never be more than his mistress.”
“I think it’d be best if you left.” I whispered softly. Although he apologized for it, I was still a little offended by what he said to me. Him of all people should know that I don’t associate with Chris anymore and his visit here tonight was just as much of a surprise to me that it was to him. I know what I was to Chris and I don’t plan on going back to being that so for him to throw it in my face like that hurt me.
“Just go.” I demanded with a little more bass in my voice, causing him to move quickly to find his belongings and exit my apartment.
I didn’t need that lecture from Gabe tonight because Chris and I were finished, I had no desire to be with him anymore because I am more than a mistress and that’s all I could ever be with him. I’d be lying if I said the feelings weren’t still there but I refuse to act on them because basing decisions off of emotions never work. The logical thing for me to do is to stay away from Chris.
Releasing an exasperated sigh, I traveled into my bedroom and rid myself of the leggings that I had been wearing and jumped into my Queen sized bed.
Instantly my eyes felt heavy and it wasn’t long before I found myself drifting off into sleep.
The alarm on my phone continuously sounded waiting for me to get up and put it to rest. Groaning, I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed my phone before lazily shutting off the alarm and stuffing my head back into the pillows. The events of last night were etched in my brain and I desperately tried to forget them.
An uneasy feeling settled in my stomach so I quickly jumped up and raced towards the bathroom only to empty all of the contents in my stomach for what has to be the fifth morning in a row. At first I thought nothing of it but along with the morning sickness, I was also fatigued a lot, my nipples were always sore, my sense of smell was heightened to an extreme and the simplest foods would set me off. I’ve been clinging onto the fact that I’ve been getting my period but I don’t think that’s enough, I need to make a trip to my doctor’s office and hope that what I think isn’t true.
Once I was finished puking up everything in my stomach, I brushed my teeth and started the shower. Sauntering back into the bedroom, I made a quick call to my doctor’s office and set up an appointment for tomorrow morning to take a pregnancy test, I don’t trust store bought tests so I’d rather hear from a doctor. Now that the symptoms have been brought to my attention I have noticed a little weight gain, not anything significant but the extra weight was still there.
But I couldn’t be pregnant because the last time I had sex was with Chris in December and we used a condom, there was that time in November where we went unprotected and he did cum inside me but that was nearly four months ago so why would I just now be showing symptoms?
Knocks on my bedroom door startled me out of my thoughts, seconds later Alexis was barging inside without my consent as always. But today she was unusually excited as she sang I realized what today was, “Happy birthday to you…”
How had I forgotten my own birthday?
I was too busy tossing around the idea that I might actually be pregnant to even think about the significance of today.
“Thank you Lex.” I cooed, hugging my best friend tightly.
“Bitch you forgot, didn’t you?”
Lowering my head in shame with a smug smile etched onto my face, “Yeah.” I mumbled, “But it’s all Chris’ fault.”
“I’ll tell you at dinner later.” Every year for my birthday Alexis treats me to dinner and I do the same for her on hers, it’s a tradition that we’ve established.
Shaking her head, “Girl, I can’t wait to hear about this.”
“Yea whatever, I gotta get ready for work so I’ll see you later?” I asked, grabbing my set of red towels to take into the shower.
“I still don’t know why you didn’t just take the day off but okay.” She muttered, exiting the room.
I thought about taking the day off but for what purpose? I had nothing planned for the day besides dinner with Alexis and possibly a nightclub if my stomach would allow it. I enjoyed going to the boutique so I had no issue in working on my birthday, besides I think I deserved a distraction from my daunting thoughts this morning and the nightmare of last night.
Tossing my blonde tresses into a sloppy bun on top of my head, I sauntered into the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for work.
After my shower, I decided on an all black pantsuit opting to keep things casual until later I settled on a pair of four inch black pumps. I applied subtle makeup only accentuating around the eyes and a light coat of lip gloss. I straightened my hair but added a few curls on the ends to give it something extra.
Grabbing my all black Gucci handbag, I left the apartment bidding Alexis goodbye promising that I would see her later at dinner.
The commute to work was never longer than ten or fifteen minutes and today was no different. Usually I’m the first one in the store to open up but today the door was already unlocked which sent my nerves into overdrive.
What if we were robbed?
Before walking inside, I grabbed my phone out of my purse and typed in 911 on the keypad just in case something illegal was going on inside the store. Slowly, I crept inside to find that the lights were still off but everything seemed to be in place.
As I neared the middle of the boutique, the lights suddenly cut on and the sound of all my coworkers wishing me a happy birthday in unison pervaded the enormous space. I must’ve looked like a deer caught in headlights.
More like Bianca caught in headlights.
“Oh gosh, thank you guys so much.” I cooed, definitely relieved that they were just surprising me rather than someone trying to break in.
Nancy walked over to me with a red velvet cupcake in her hands and gave it to me. “Happy birthday boss.” She smiled.
“Thank you Nancy.” I smiled back at her before taking a bite of the red velvet cupcake that happened to be my favorite.
“No problem boss, you can go in the back and take care of any paperwork. I’ll keep things running smoothly out here and I’ll only bother you if absolutely necessary.”
“Don’t thank me! Just go in the back.” She giggled, lightly pushing me towards the back room.
Upon reaching my office, I turned the light on and was met with yet another surprise. Happy birthday balloons were scattered across the room and a tray of breakfast sat on my desk just waiting for me to eat it.
I think coming to work was the best decision I could have made.
* * *
“Okay Mae, I’m leaving out for work!” I shouted walking down the stairs to find her and Casey sitting on the couch. As soon as my feet touched the carpeted floors Casey jumped off the couch and walked over to me. Kneeling down to her level I engulfed her in a hug, “Bye baby, I love you.” She grabbed my face and put her lips to mine so I puckered up and gave her a kiss.
She walked back over to Mae and I headed for the door, “I’ll see you guys later.” I shouted, closing the door behind me.
Chris didn’t come home last night, I called and texted him all night and received no response. At first I thought something happened to him but when he started to blatantly send my calls to voice mail, I knew that he was ignoring me on purpose so I stopped calling. I don’t have the desire to fight with Chris anymore, if this isn’t want he wants then he needs to just let me know.
I’ve actually been in very frequent contact with a divorce lawyer recently, nothing is set in stone as of yet but if I find out that Chris is cheating on me again then I give up. I haven’t bothered calling him this morning because I’m almost certain that I’ll be seeing him later when I leave the office.
When I reached my pink Lamborghini, there was a huge yellow envelope on the windshield that wasn’t there when I came home last night. Quickly I surveyed the area before grabbing the envelope and stuffing it inside my purse. The sweat oozing from my palms made it difficult for me to grip the steering wheel so I wiped my hands along my pant legs.
I was nervous.
The last time I received an envelope like this, I watched a very explicit video of my husband sexing another woman. I don’t know if I can handle watching something like that a second time.
Pushing the disturbing thoughts from my mind, I focused on the road and began my commute to the office. I turned the radio up to a somewhat ignorant level just to drown out my thoughts, I’ll deal with the envelope later.
When I arrived at the office I immediately threw myself into my work, I only had one client scheduled today but that wasn’t until noon so for now I was filling out paperwork and updating patient’s files.
My eyes kept wandering over to my purse over in the corner as my mind pondered what contents it held inside. An eerie feeling settled over me as I ascended from my chair and traveled over to the purse and removed the envelope. Sauntering back over to my desk, I stared at the envelope debating whether or not I should open it.
I could throw this envelope in the shredder and never discover what’s inside of it, or I could put my nerves aside and just open the damn envelope. Choosing the latter of the two, I used my nail to open the envelope before emptying all of the contents onto my desk.
Dozens of pictures were scattered along my desk and each one of them had one common denominator.
Picking up one of the pictures, I saw that it was just Chris walking inside of some apartment in Hyde Park. There were quite a few photos of him walking inside of this exact same apartment, sometimes during the day and some were at night.
Pictures of him entering that boutique in Hyde Park that I visited a couple of times but why was he going in there?
Picking up another photograph, I saw Chris and Casey when she was maybe around six months walking into the exact same apartment as before.
Who’s fucking house was this?
My question was short lived because soon I found my answer when I noticed Chris and that blonde bitch from the boutique in Hyde Park walking inside the apartment with him carrying what I assumed to be her luggage.
It didn’t take me long to find out when this picture was taken, it was the day he came back from his little trip to Mexico where he was supposedly alone.
Turning my chair towards the computer, I quickly logged on and pulled up our bank statements from the last year. I looked through them and went directly to October because that’s when he took the trip, right after Shannon’s wedding.
Sure enough, almost everything that he charged on that trip was charged for two.
Wiping a tear that fell from my eye, I focused my attention back on the pictures that I had yet to look at. Jealousy filled my insides as I fought off more tears with each picture.
They looked like the happiest couple on Earth.
Pictures of them at the park together just enjoying each other’s company, him pushing her on the swing, them riding down the slides together.
I couldn’t remember the last time he looked at me like that.
Maybe they’re just friends, maybe I’m just overreacting and trying to make something out of nothing.
My optimistic thoughts were put to rest when I came across the next picture.
They definitely weren’t just friends.
A picture of them standing in front of what I previously assumed to be her apartment, caught in the middle of what looked like an extremely intimate makeout session.
I was no longer able to fight off the tears as they began to cascade down my face and I made no move to wipe them.
How could he do this to me again?
Last time it was just sex but these pictures represent more than just a physical interaction, they had a relationship that went much deeper than sex. Not once in that video did he ever kiss that girl on the mouth but here he was caught in broad daylight locking lips with some woman that wasn’t me. God knows what they do behind closed doors.
And the fucking nerve of him to bring my fucking daughter around this bitch! That’s the part that has me tripping the most, it’s one thing to cheat on me but it’s completely different when you go as far as to bring our child around the next bitch shacking up with her like they’re a fucking family or something.
It all made sense now and I couldn’t believe how naive I allowed myself to be, all of the fucking signs were there and I chose to ignore them.
The audacity of this bitch to smile in my face like she wasn’t fucking my husband behind my back.
I was way past hurt and angry, I was fucking livid. I’ve been nice for way too fucking long and somebody was about to feel my rage.
To believe that I actually felt sorry for what I did to Chris but all of that just flew out of the window when I discovered his mistress.
Chuckling bitterly, I gathered the pictures and sloppily put them back inside the envelope before stuffing it back inside my purse. Exiting my office, I told my assistant to reschedule my only client for the day because I was leaving and had no intentions of returning.
Somebody was about to get paid a visit.
Storming into the boutique, I stopped directly in the middle looking around in search of her. I didn’t want to talk to anybody but her, I was on a mission and nobody that was smart would dare try to get in my way.
“Hi Mrs. Brown, it’s a pl—”
She cut her sentence off once she noticed my hand go up, “Where is the owner?” I asked staring at the familiar woman.
“You heard me,” I paused to read her name tag. “Nancy, go get her and tell her that Jessica Brown would like to speak with her.”
Nancy looked taken aback by my statement but she scurried her ass to the back anyway. People watched me as I paced the perimeter impatiently waiting for this dirty bitch that ruined my marriage.
“Mrs. Brown!” My ears perked up and my head turned to Nancy who was standing at the entry to the hallway she had just gone down moments ago. “She wants you to come to the back.”
“Smart choice.” I muttered lowly, a smirk etched on my face as I sauntered to the back. It wasn’t long before I was in her office, face to face with the devil herself.
“Please sit.” She said, gesturing towards the chair that sat in front of her desk to which I gladly obliged. “So what do I owe the pleasure of this visit, Mrs. Brown?”
A dark chuckle escaped my slightly parted lips. “I bet it pains you to call me that huh?” I muttered, crossing my right leg over the other one.
“Oh you heard me Bianca.” I removed my purse from my shoulder and took out the yellow envelope before slamming it on her desk. “Did you think it was funny to send me these?”
Slowly, she reached for the envelope with her eyes never leaving my face. She grasped the envelope but had yet to open it.
“Go ahead an open it, make my day.” I instructed, leaning back in the chair with my thumb and index finger stroking my chin as I watched her.
I kept my focus on her as she flipped through the pictures and her countenance changed each time she viewed a different picture. She led me to believe that she wasn’t the actually person that sent these photos but that didn’t excuse her from having a relationship with my husband.
“W-where did you get these?”
“Prior to my arrival here I was under the impression that you sent them. But even if you didn’t send them, you did knowingly have a relationship with a married man didn’t you Bianca?”
“It was never supposed to go that far.” She whispered.
“Oh I just bet it wasn’t!” My voice elevated as my hand made contact with the desk and I ascended from the chair staring at her with fire in my eyes. “You know, it’s bitches like you that make it hard for good women like me! How can I expect to have a faithful husband when there are hoes like you with no standards?”
“Whoa,” She mumbled, now ascending from her chair with her hands planted firmly on the desk almost mirroring my actions. “What you’re not gonna do, is stand in my face and disrespect me. I know I was wrong for what I did with your husband but please don’t come here preaching to me like you’re so much better than me.”
What the fuck did she mean by that?
“I know all about your little fling with Gabe, and while I assure you that I really could care less, I just wanted to remind you. Chris and I are no longer in contact so you don’t have to worry about me spilling your secret, just don’t come to me preaching about my wrongdoings as if you don’t have skeletons of your own.”
Having heard enough of the bullshit that was exiting her mouth, I walked over to the other side of the desk and stopped only when we were staring one another in the face.
“You don’t know me Bianca, and you don’t what the fuck I’ve been through.”
“The same can be said to you Jessica.” She retorted.
Chuckling darkly, “How does it feel to know that you’ll never come before me in either one of their lives?” I asked, referring to both Chris and Gabe.
Instead of being fazed my my comment, she simply smirked before opening her mouth to speak. “What time did Chris come home last night? Did he tell you that he stopped by my apartment?” She chuckled.
It was like a reflex the way my fist connected with her jaw after her comment along with her chuckles set me off. And before I knew it we were involved in full out brawl going blow for blow. I was out for blood, somebody was going to feel my pain and I decided that it would be this bitch.
Grabbing her hair, I held her face down and began uppercutting her and her groans were like music to my ears. I was going to make her regret the day she met Chris, and I hope that she would never try him or any other married man ever again. Bitches like her need to be taught a lesson and I was going to be the bitch to do it.
Catching me off guard, she punched me in the stomach causing me to double over in pain but I quickly regained my composure just as she sent another blow to my face.
The momentum had switched and I had to something—anything to get it back on my side. Acting without thought, I raised my left leg and forcefully kicked her in the stomach causing her to fly back into the wall.
Breathing harshly through my nose, I watched her failed attempt at getting up only for her to fall back down and get into the fetal position cradling her stomach as numerous groans of agony escaped her lips.
I tasted my own blood and felt it trickling down my chin, lazily I used the back of my hand to wipe it off cringing a bit from thesting of my hand coming in contact with a cut on my mouth.
Slowly I sauntered over to her and hovered her, “Stay the fuck away from my husband bitch.”
* * *
My phone kept ringing, startling me out of my slumber I sat up quickly and ended up regretting it because of the intense headache I had due to my careless drinking last night.
After I left Bianca’s house, I stopped at the liquor store to buy a fifth of Hennessy and got a hotel room for the night trying to drink away my pain.
Alcohol intensified every emotion and I felt it last night, the hurt, pain, and anger was all evident and speaking volumes in my drunken state.
Reality had finally set in.
Jessica cheated on me and got pregnant with another nigga’s baby, she tried to cover it up by getting the abortion but little did she know I was about to blow her spot up.
My wife had done the unthinkable and pulled a ‘me’ on me, and I didn’t know how to handle it.
Being cheated on wasn’t a good feeling at all and I really didn’t know how to fucking handle it.
I know what I did was wrong but that was the only incident that Jessica had known about and she took me back saying that she wanted to make it work, but was her reasoning behind that because she felt guilty for her own infidelity?
My phone rang again knocking me out of my thoughts and I saw that it was Cook County Jail calling. Hesitantly I swiped my thumb across the screen to answer the call.
“Mr. Brown this his Officer Bates at Cook County Jail, we have your wife in custody.”
I was beginning to believe that this hangover was fucking with me. “Jessica? What would she be doing in jail?” I inquired, rubbing small circles on my temple.
“I cannot disclose that information over the phone, her bail is set for $2000 are you going to come get her?”
“Y-yeah, I’ll be there soon.” I muttered before hanging up.
What the fuck was she in jail for?
Rubbing both hands over my face, I slowly got up from the bed making sure that I had all of my belongings before exiting the hotel room.
Once I was in the car I cut the radio off because the noise was only making this already unbearable headache even worse.
It took me about thirty minutes to get to the County and I slowly journeyed inside being mindful of the monstrous headache I had. When I walked to the front desk one of the officers immediately got up and went to the back I’m guessing to retrieve Jessica. Pulling my black card out of my pocket, I handed it over to one of the officers but he quickly declined.
“Cash only Mr. Brown.”
Groaning, I dug inside my pocket for my wallet hoping that I had two stacks on me and thankfully I did because if I didn’t Jessica would probably be staying overnight. She was lucky that I’m even here to get her now but I refused to go even more out of my way for her.
“Thank you Mr. Brown, she will be out in a second.”
“What was she brought here for?” I asked, rubbing my temples again desperately craving some Excedrin or Advil.
“Assault and battery, and I have to warn you that depending on how severe the victim’s injuries are, if they decide to press charges then we’ll have to come back for her.” He said apologetically.
“Thanks.” I said just as Jessica came from the back looking disheveled. Her short hair was a mess on top of her head, her lip was busted, and she had a bruise under her eye.
I said nothing to her as one of the officers handed her purse to her and we made our way outside to my car.
Being in her presence right now made my blood boil but I decided to keep my mouth shut until we reached the house and I could get my hands on some type of pain killers because I needed to be 100% for what was to come.
My phone ringing in the cup holder startled my thoughts and I furrowed my eyebrows at the name that lit up across the screen.
Deciding to answer it, I brought the phone up to my ear after swiping my thumb across the screen.
Clearing my throat, “Hello?”
“Chris…” Alexis cried into the phone. “She’ll probably be mad at me for even calling you but I felt you had the right to know.”
“What?” I was already agitated and her dancing around the subject matter was only going to make it worse. “What’s going on Alexis?”
Jessica shot me a look that I chose to ignore because I’ll deal with her ass later.
“Bianca had a miscarriage!”